Friday, December 17, 2004

100 reasons I should be your boyfriend...

The holidays are here and everything is going insane. I was thinking about something though. I have lots of great friends, but I still get lonely. Especially during the holidays. So I thought I’d put myself out there. I'm the prototypical "nice guy" which usually works to my disadvantage. Here are 100 reasons that I should be your boyfriend. (These are in no particular order.)

1) I enjoy the theater.
2) I love to cook.
3) I shower daily.
4) I’m disease-free.
5) I don’t have a mullet.
6) I don’t run with scissors.
7) I don’t run a sweat-shop.
8) I’ve never led a political/military coup.
9) I will always open the door/car door for you.
10) I enjoy dining out.
11) It’s better to give than receive (especially in bed).
12) I’m not afraid to ask for directions.
13) I voted for Kerry.
14) I am not related to the Bush family.
15) I like to cuddle.
16) Money isn’t everything (because I don’t have any).
17) If I lived near a beach I’d take long walks on it with you.
18) I’ve never committed a felony.
19) I’m well-traveled.
20) I’m a good speller.
21) I can read past the fifth-grade level.
22) I’ll always put the toilet seat down.
23) I love animals.
24) I give money to charity and non-profits.
25) I don’t do drugs.
26) I’m a gentleman.
27) I’m not a sports fanatic.
28) I make a mean chocolate torte.
29) I know a lot about wine.
30) I would love to go to the symphony/ballet/opera with you.
31) I’m a very patient person.
32) I’m not David Gest.
33) I will remember milestones in our relationship and celebrate them.
34) I will not ask you to “pull my finger”.
35) If I won the Lotto I’d take you to Australia with me (however, I don’t play the Lotto as I think it’s a waste).
36) I’m a generous gift-giver.
37) No mosquito will ever bite you as long as you’re near me. Apparently I’m delicious.
38) I’d be willing to take dance lessons with you.
39) I’m romantic.
40) I like to give flowers.
41) I’m not afraid to cry.
42) I’ve never been one of Liz Taylor’s husbands.
43) I will never cheat on you.
44) I’m not afraid of commitment.
45) I don’t have any Nascar stickers on my car.
46) It’s not my ambition to build my own monster-truck.
47) I’m not afraid of sub-titles.
48) I’ve never killed a hooker.
49) I’m not gay (surprisingly enough).
50) I don’t mind dressing up (although I don’t have any suits that currently fit me).
51) It’s okay to “stay-in”.
52) I put out.
53) I make some mean scrambled eggs.
54) My friends are nice.
55) I have a cool job.
56) I don’t smoke.
57) I’ve never broken the rules of the Geneva Convention.
58) I’ve never needed a barf-bag on a plane.
59) I will sacrifice the most comfortable airplane seat/restaurant seat for you.
60) I’d probably agree with everything you say.
61) I like hugs.
62) I will walk between you and the street or a beggar.
63) I will not ask you to go to the new Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Vandamme film with me.
64) I stopped wetting the bed years ago.
65) I have a healthy relationship with my mom, but we’re not “too close”.
66) I’m a good listener.
67) I will always offer my arm or hand when walking in snow or on icy ground.
68) Damn I’m good looking!
69) I’m not a racist.
70) I don’t drink Budweiser or Miller.
71) I will prepare your favorite meal for you whenever you want it.
72) I make my coffee in a French-press.
73) I have an ice cream-maker.
74) I eat all my vegetables.
75) I don’t spit in public.
76) I try not to fart in public.
77) I think that Ashcroft is a dick.
78) I believe in women’s rights.
79) I’ve never been arrested for public urination.
80) I’ve never been featured on America’s Most Wanted.
81) I love kids.
82) Yes, I’ll buy you an ice cream.
83) If you’re driving I’ll pump your gas for you.
84) I used to do volunteer work (I don’t have the time now).
85) Even I think that John Cusack is cute.
86) I’ve never been banned from a public place.
87) No, you’re not fat.
88) Did you do something different with your hair? I like it.
89) I will tell you if you have spinach in your teeth or toilet paper stuck on the bottom of your shoe.
90) I don’t eat yellow snow.
91) I can write my name in the snow (cursive, not print).
92) Although they’re all great, George was my favorite Beatle.
93) I will never perform the Macarena, the chicken dance, the hustle, or dance to YMCA at a wedding or elsewhere.
94) I can follow product assembly instructions, but I can’t fix your car.
95) I get $13.00 haircuts so I can spend more money on you.
96) I’ve never run for public office.
97) I’d like to watch the sunset/sunrise with you.
98) I don’t eat paint chips.
99) I will serenade you if you like, but not very well.
100) I’m cuddly.

I’d better let you in on a few things, though…
I’m fat.
I’m poor.
I can belch the alphabet.
I’ve been known to be a little gassy on occasion.
I may blind you with my pale-whiteness.
I used to be a Republican.
I think Airplane and Monty Python are funny.

There you go ladies. I’m available and I think that I’m quite the catch. Don’t all respond at once.

Until the next bottle…


Blogger JulieU. said...

Very Nice Jason! All good reasons to date you...and ladies, his scrambled eggs are epic. I speak of them often.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

I can vouch for the chocolate torte, and agree with Julie's assessment of the scrambled eggs. They were the best I've ever had.

2:21 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home