100 reasons I should be your boyfriend...
The holidays are here and everything is going insane. I was thinking about something though. I have lots of great friends, but I still get lonely. Especially during the holidays. So I thought I’d put myself out there. I'm the prototypical "nice guy" which usually works to my disadvantage. Here are 100 reasons that I should be your boyfriend. (These are in no particular order.)
1) I enjoy the theater.
2) I love to cook.
3) I shower daily.
4) I’m disease-free.
5) I don’t have a mullet.
6) I don’t run with scissors.
7) I don’t run a sweat-shop.
8) I’ve never led a political/military coup.
9) I will always open the door/car door for you.
10) I enjoy dining out.
11) It’s better to give than receive (especially in bed).
12) I’m not afraid to ask for directions.
13) I voted for Kerry.
14) I am not related to the Bush family.
15) I like to cuddle.
16) Money isn’t everything (because I don’t have any).
17) If I lived near a beach I’d take long walks on it with you.
18) I’ve never committed a felony.
19) I’m well-traveled.
20) I’m a good speller.
21) I can read past the fifth-grade level.
22) I’ll always put the toilet seat down.
23) I love animals.
24) I give money to charity and non-profits.
25) I don’t do drugs.
26) I’m a gentleman.
27) I’m not a sports fanatic.
28) I make a mean chocolate torte.
29) I know a lot about wine.
30) I would love to go to the symphony/ballet/opera with you.
31) I’m a very patient person.
32) I’m not David Gest.
33) I will remember milestones in our relationship and celebrate them.
34) I will not ask you to “pull my finger”.
35) If I won the Lotto I’d take you to Australia with me (however, I don’t play the Lotto as I think it’s a waste).
36) I’m a generous gift-giver.
37) No mosquito will ever bite you as long as you’re near me. Apparently I’m delicious.
38) I’d be willing to take dance lessons with you.
39) I’m romantic.
40) I like to give flowers.
41) I’m not afraid to cry.
42) I’ve never been one of Liz Taylor’s husbands.
43) I will never cheat on you.
44) I’m not afraid of commitment.
45) I don’t have any Nascar stickers on my car.
46) It’s not my ambition to build my own monster-truck.
47) I’m not afraid of sub-titles.
48) I’ve never killed a hooker.
49) I’m not gay (surprisingly enough).
50) I don’t mind dressing up (although I don’t have any suits that currently fit me).
51) It’s okay to “stay-in”.
52) I put out.
53) I make some mean scrambled eggs.
54) My friends are nice.
55) I have a cool job.
56) I don’t smoke.
57) I’ve never broken the rules of the Geneva Convention.
58) I’ve never needed a barf-bag on a plane.
59) I will sacrifice the most comfortable airplane seat/restaurant seat for you.
60) I’d probably agree with everything you say.
61) I like hugs.
62) I will walk between you and the street or a beggar.
63) I will not ask you to go to the new Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Vandamme film with me.
64) I stopped wetting the bed years ago.
65) I have a healthy relationship with my mom, but we’re not “too close”.
66) I’m a good listener.
67) I will always offer my arm or hand when walking in snow or on icy ground.
68) Damn I’m good looking!
69) I’m not a racist.
70) I don’t drink Budweiser or Miller.
71) I will prepare your favorite meal for you whenever you want it.
72) I make my coffee in a French-press.
73) I have an ice cream-maker.
74) I eat all my vegetables.
75) I don’t spit in public.
76) I try not to fart in public.
77) I think that Ashcroft is a dick.
78) I believe in women’s rights.
79) I’ve never been arrested for public urination.
80) I’ve never been featured on America’s Most Wanted.
81) I love kids.
82) Yes, I’ll buy you an ice cream.
83) If you’re driving I’ll pump your gas for you.
84) I used to do volunteer work (I don’t have the time now).
85) Even I think that John Cusack is cute.
86) I’ve never been banned from a public place.
87) No, you’re not fat.
88) Did you do something different with your hair? I like it.
89) I will tell you if you have spinach in your teeth or toilet paper stuck on the bottom of your shoe.
90) I don’t eat yellow snow.
91) I can write my name in the snow (cursive, not print).
92) Although they’re all great, George was my favorite Beatle.
93) I will never perform the Macarena, the chicken dance, the hustle, or dance to YMCA at a wedding or elsewhere.
94) I can follow product assembly instructions, but I can’t fix your car.
95) I get $13.00 haircuts so I can spend more money on you.
96) I’ve never run for public office.
97) I’d like to watch the sunset/sunrise with you.
98) I don’t eat paint chips.
99) I will serenade you if you like, but not very well.
100) I’m cuddly.
I’d better let you in on a few things, though…
I’m fat.
I’m poor.
I can belch the alphabet.
I’ve been known to be a little gassy on occasion.
I may blind you with my pale-whiteness.
I used to be a Republican.
I think Airplane and Monty Python are funny.
There you go ladies. I’m available and I think that I’m quite the catch. Don’t all respond at once.
Until the next bottle…
Cheers,
Jason
1) I enjoy the theater.
2) I love to cook.
3) I shower daily.
4) I’m disease-free.
5) I don’t have a mullet.
6) I don’t run with scissors.
7) I don’t run a sweat-shop.
8) I’ve never led a political/military coup.
9) I will always open the door/car door for you.
10) I enjoy dining out.
11) It’s better to give than receive (especially in bed).
12) I’m not afraid to ask for directions.
13) I voted for Kerry.
14) I am not related to the Bush family.
15) I like to cuddle.
16) Money isn’t everything (because I don’t have any).
17) If I lived near a beach I’d take long walks on it with you.
18) I’ve never committed a felony.
19) I’m well-traveled.
20) I’m a good speller.
21) I can read past the fifth-grade level.
22) I’ll always put the toilet seat down.
23) I love animals.
24) I give money to charity and non-profits.
25) I don’t do drugs.
26) I’m a gentleman.
27) I’m not a sports fanatic.
28) I make a mean chocolate torte.
29) I know a lot about wine.
30) I would love to go to the symphony/ballet/opera with you.
31) I’m a very patient person.
32) I’m not David Gest.
33) I will remember milestones in our relationship and celebrate them.
34) I will not ask you to “pull my finger”.
35) If I won the Lotto I’d take you to Australia with me (however, I don’t play the Lotto as I think it’s a waste).
36) I’m a generous gift-giver.
37) No mosquito will ever bite you as long as you’re near me. Apparently I’m delicious.
38) I’d be willing to take dance lessons with you.
39) I’m romantic.
40) I like to give flowers.
41) I’m not afraid to cry.
42) I’ve never been one of Liz Taylor’s husbands.
43) I will never cheat on you.
44) I’m not afraid of commitment.
45) I don’t have any Nascar stickers on my car.
46) It’s not my ambition to build my own monster-truck.
47) I’m not afraid of sub-titles.
48) I’ve never killed a hooker.
49) I’m not gay (surprisingly enough).
50) I don’t mind dressing up (although I don’t have any suits that currently fit me).
51) It’s okay to “stay-in”.
52) I put out.
53) I make some mean scrambled eggs.
54) My friends are nice.
55) I have a cool job.
56) I don’t smoke.
57) I’ve never broken the rules of the Geneva Convention.
58) I’ve never needed a barf-bag on a plane.
59) I will sacrifice the most comfortable airplane seat/restaurant seat for you.
60) I’d probably agree with everything you say.
61) I like hugs.
62) I will walk between you and the street or a beggar.
63) I will not ask you to go to the new Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Vandamme film with me.
64) I stopped wetting the bed years ago.
65) I have a healthy relationship with my mom, but we’re not “too close”.
66) I’m a good listener.
67) I will always offer my arm or hand when walking in snow or on icy ground.
68) Damn I’m good looking!
69) I’m not a racist.
70) I don’t drink Budweiser or Miller.
71) I will prepare your favorite meal for you whenever you want it.
72) I make my coffee in a French-press.
73) I have an ice cream-maker.
74) I eat all my vegetables.
75) I don’t spit in public.
76) I try not to fart in public.
77) I think that Ashcroft is a dick.
78) I believe in women’s rights.
79) I’ve never been arrested for public urination.
80) I’ve never been featured on America’s Most Wanted.
81) I love kids.
82) Yes, I’ll buy you an ice cream.
83) If you’re driving I’ll pump your gas for you.
84) I used to do volunteer work (I don’t have the time now).
85) Even I think that John Cusack is cute.
86) I’ve never been banned from a public place.
87) No, you’re not fat.
88) Did you do something different with your hair? I like it.
89) I will tell you if you have spinach in your teeth or toilet paper stuck on the bottom of your shoe.
90) I don’t eat yellow snow.
91) I can write my name in the snow (cursive, not print).
92) Although they’re all great, George was my favorite Beatle.
93) I will never perform the Macarena, the chicken dance, the hustle, or dance to YMCA at a wedding or elsewhere.
94) I can follow product assembly instructions, but I can’t fix your car.
95) I get $13.00 haircuts so I can spend more money on you.
96) I’ve never run for public office.
97) I’d like to watch the sunset/sunrise with you.
98) I don’t eat paint chips.
99) I will serenade you if you like, but not very well.
100) I’m cuddly.
I’d better let you in on a few things, though…
I’m fat.
I’m poor.
I can belch the alphabet.
I’ve been known to be a little gassy on occasion.
I may blind you with my pale-whiteness.
I used to be a Republican.
I think Airplane and Monty Python are funny.
There you go ladies. I’m available and I think that I’m quite the catch. Don’t all respond at once.
Until the next bottle…
Cheers,
Jason
posted by Jason at 3:28 PM
2 Comments:
Very Nice Jason! All good reasons to date you...and ladies, his scrambled eggs are epic. I speak of them often.
I can vouch for the chocolate torte, and agree with Julie's assessment of the scrambled eggs. They were the best I've ever had.
Post a Comment
<< Home