Monday, March 14, 2005

Where in the world is John C? Part Vier

(The inside joke continues...)

We left off with our intrepid explorer passed out from doing 101 shots of ouzo with Carmen Sandiego and Waldo at the Acropolis...

John C starts to come to as he feels the warm Greek sun beating on his forehead. It's about noon a day and a half later. His head feels like a conga and he has the worst case of cotton-mouth known to man. He has the taste of Spotted Dick and anise in his mouth. It's really unbelievable that no tourists tried to wake him the previous day and that they all took pictures of him passed out at the Acropolis. There's no sign of Carmen or Waldo except for Waldo's hat which is tucked into John's front pocket with a note attached. "Thanks for last night. Call me. TTFN, Waldo", it says. Luckily, John's last memory was leaving the airport in search of his love. He had to continue his quest, but he needed food and water first. He really wanted a breakfast burrito and a Super Big Gulp, but surprisingly there is no 7-11 at the Acropolis...just a Starbucks.

He ventured down the hill and stopped at the first cafe he came upon. The friendly and matronly waitress offered him retsina and ouzo, but John thought the hair of the dog may not be such a good idea. He ordered an Olga, but she had no idea what it was. He decided on the lamb chops, a side of cucumber salad, and a pitcher of water instead. John's body started to get back to normal and it was time for him to move on. He was getting a little tired of the The Sun Also Rises lifestyle. He realized that he lost his luggage somewhere between the airport and the Acropolis. He can't live without his Sponge Bob Squarepants electric toothbrush or his autographed copy of Conrad Bain's autobiography. He also stinks worse than a Bangkok whorehouse hosting a hobo convention in the summer. He needs to find his luggage and get a proper hotel room. Luckily he still has some cash and a credit card in his wallet. He walks the streets asking people if they have any memory of meeting him or if they've seen any stray luggage. A few people run away and scream. What the hell did he do the other day? He spots a man in the distance wearing a vintage WUMD T-shirt and approaches him. John, in fluent Greek, asks where he got the T-shirt. The man said that he bought it on eBay several months ago for 3 cents. The shirt wasn't John's, but used to belong to Punk Rock Forklift. The man explains that the shirt stank like guinea pig and hot armpit when he received it. John explains to the man that he in fact DJ'ed at WUMD for several years and the man's face lit up as if he had seen Hooters girl. The man, whose name is Gustavo, invites John into his home and offers him a room, clothing, and a shower. Turns out that the guy did an internship at a Detroit Coney island restaurant and happened to live in an apartment in Dearborn Heights and used to listen to WUMD on public access cable, and still listens to it this day via the web. Gustavo asks John C if he knows Diamond D and the guys from Polyester Pop. "Hells yeah", he says. What a small world! John takes advantage of Gustavo's generosity and shaves and showers and makes himself comfortable. Gustavo's three daughters- Delta, Phi, and Epsilon come home at around dusk. They are the most beautiful girls John has ever seen...except for his love. John decides not to play with temptation and thanks Gustavo for his hospitality and leaves. John knows that it'll be hard to find his luggage or his girlfriend at night so he checks into a hotel and asks the concierge to ask around town about any missing luggage that may have been found. He heads to his room and collapses on the bed. He raids the mini-bar and calls for room service. About half an hour later there is a knock on the's John's girlfriend and his luggage...

To be continued...



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