Sunday, May 08, 2005

Observations from 30,000 feet...

I just got back from my business trip to Florida. It was okay. Not bad, not great. I'll go into more detail later. Here are some observations that I made on my trip...

The Smith Terminal at DTW (Detroit Metro Airport) looks like London after the Blitz.

The McNamara Terminal is "blingy".

I apparently had some misconceptions about Pittsburgh. It was beautiful and green from the air. Nice hills and LOTS of trees. The Detroit Metro area has about 20 trees.

Pittsburgh airport is nice.

Did you see the gremlin on the wing too?

Ft. Lauderdale Airport is not so nice.

Trying to get a shuttle to Deerfield Beach from Ft. Lauderdale Airport sucks (especially when Frenchie drops the ball).

Florida is flatter than Kate Moss.

Florida is too damn hot and humid (especially in May). It's more moist than a hobo's taint in a leaky train car during monsoon season. It's kind of like a Tijuana armpit.

Hotel food sucks.

French (male) winemakers are metrosexuals.

Italian (male) winemakers are bigger metrosexuals.

French and Italian (female) winemakers are hot.

Don't eat anywhere that has "On the Beach" in the name. Eat at the empty place across the street.

The Pacific Ocean could kick the Atlantic Ocean's ass.

South African jokes are funny when told by an Englishman.

French wines are highly overrated. I've known that for years, but now there's absolute proof (with a few exceptions).

French people don't understand the American wine market.

Going to business meetings at 9:00AM on Saturday and Sunday really sucks.

French winemakers can hold there liquor...for a while.

French winemakers aren't used to drinking single-vineyard Sonoma zinfandels with alcohol levels of 15.6% at Italian restaurants.

There's a lot of really bad hair in Florida.

I like boobies (any size will do).

I do not like fake boobies.

White-trash wedding receptions do not only occur at Andoni's.

Florida really is where old people go to die. It's kind of like an elephants' graveyard.

There are some beautiful women in Florida.

There are some scary looking women in Florida. Skin should not look and feel like leather, hair should not be bleached-out, and lips should not have botox injections.

Orange juice at the Florida hotel breakfast buffet is not that impressive.

Did you know that you can order dolphin in a restaurant? (I didn't by the way...)

French people aren't very well organized.

French winemakers (largely) think that their wine should be bought solely on the fact that it is French and therefore great.

French winemakers (largely) think that American and Australian wines are crap. Maybe it's that attitude that's currently leaving them in the dust behind American and Australian wines.

There are a lot of assholes in the wine business. (I've known that for years, but now it's cemented.)

Apparently I'm "dirty". I tried to access my blog from the hotel computer, but I was blocked because of "adult content". That f'in rocks!

Suites rule! I had two f'in bathrooms, two TVs, a fridge, a microwave, and much more.

You can't always get a room with an ocean view.

Judging by the cars in southern Florida, there are lots of small penises.

Old people really DO get up early.

Expect to wait at least 30 minutes for a cab in Florida.

Open plane seats next to you rule!

Why does everyone have to stand up, grab their carry-ons, and block the aisle impatiently when the plane lands? It would be much more efficient to just remain seated until it's your row's turn.

Charlotte, NC is pretty from the air.

Gate A at Charlotte airport smells.

Gate C at Charlotte airport does not smell.

Charlotte Airport is pretty nice.

North Carolinians talk funny.

Crying babies behind you on a plane are not as bad as crying babies with full diapers.

US Airways...still better than Northworst.

There are no helmet laws in Florida, but strict seatbelt laws.

Too many people wear flip flops.

Flip flops used to be called thongs. When did it officialy change? Today's "thongs" should be called ass-floss.

There really is a straight male flight attendant.

Key lime pie in Florida is no better than key lime pie in Michigan.

It's not okay to walk around around shirtless in public (except for the ladies...)

The ocean air in Florida does not smell salty.

There is good Saint Chinian (wine) being made using carbonic maceration.

Muscadet is still an underappreciated wine in the US.

Fancy packaging does not make a bad wine taste good.

Our flight was the only one arriving at Smith Terminal tonight and we still had to wait forever for our luggage.

Wine prices in Florida are much better than in Michigan.

Florida...I could take it or leave it.

Cheers,
Jason

3 Comments:

Blogger Kathleen said...

I happen to be very fond of the LC Smith Terminal at DTW...and although people from other cities hate it and think it's representative of the City itself, to me it signifies that I'm home.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Hi Kathleen,
I agree, but it's in such a state of disrepair and neglect currently that it's quite sad.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Eri said...

They didn't mean dolphin as in Flipper. They're talking about a kind of fish. I just can't remember which one. Sorry.

Eri

2:17 PM  

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