Friday, January 07, 2005

Detroit in decline...

Detroit once again has been stripped of a proud title. Detroit was America's fattest city in 2004 according to Men's Fitness magazine. Detroit has fallen to number three after Houston and Philadelphia in 2005. Come on guys! We can do it! We can win it back. I have done my part to help retain the title, now it's up to you to start chowing down. Let's make Detroit proud again. Everyone's heard "Don't mess with Texas!", but how about "Don't fuck with Detroit!"?
Watch out Houston! We're aiming for you. Put those steaks down and have a some damn sashimi! Detroit is #1 in bowling, potato chip consumption, and donut consumption (I think). Let's stick to the regimen and take back what's rightfully ours. And Philadelphia? Please... You may have Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, but we'll always have creative combinations of the world's fattiest foods with a sedintary lifestyle. Detroit will win the title back! Watch your backs Houston and Philadelphia. We might eat them if you don't. At least we're still #1 in STD's.

My friend Perl is going in for Lasik surgery. I'd like to wish him the best of luck. In fact here's a little note for Perl to read when he recovers...

"Perl. jlkjfoiasj kledlk klelkew spank lktlkhtr. tjhewoihl turnip fhwoqhpp3! Ha ha ha! jo0iroih Jujubee jlhljawjttlkk antidisestablishmentarianism ooewo eroiyt. Celery oisahokngo lkrhrtfowieh hlh slhr lhoeh thlehlwh hhteo blender. Possum eoijh teh thelhla tehwhtroi elwthwl. oirjajoitj tehl th wehweoq[l? Taoih ao=woop 2nsdng998 thhw mayonaisse tongue. Oijtwoirh Charles in Charge owhtr eoim gtoao eowjll. Olnhle disfunction wohal ewhla ell. Theowhsdl Bengalese tiger asoihoi assless chaps. Ph4eo walrus twaddler lkjot eowoe 8 Mile ohlka. Sardines, oehlah, flax seed oil, lkhelhtlkah, eklal, hoiaweih, hw900lq, and Marshmallow Fluff. Oy. THh'lk Randy Macho Man Savage hktehlk ehskl lemming spank."

Good luck, Perl. That comes from the heart.

Cheers,
Jason

2 Comments:

Blogger JulieU. said...

Any post that includes "Bengalese tiger asoihoi assless chaps" and "mayonnaise tongue" should be commmented on.

You rock!

9:52 AM  
Blogger Brian P said...

I see that! Kinda.. 20/20 and 20/25 baby!

10:50 AM  

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