Sunday, August 13, 2006

Vacations and dirty jokes...

It's been a relatively uneventful week. Not a lot to report. Of course I spent the majority of it at work and that was a veritable suckfest. My life is so dull that the History Channel was the highlight of my week. I discovered a little late that the History Channel was airing a Band of Brothers marathon nightly. Awesome! As far as I'm concerned Band of Brothers is one of the finest works about war ever put to film if not the best. It's right up there with Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, and Stalag 17. I've seen it before and I own the complete DVD set, but whenever it's on TV it's like a train wreck...I've got to watch it. It's so well done it's unbelievable...and it's a frickin' 10-part miniseries! Thank you History Channel for giving me something to look forward to when I got home from work this week! If you're a history buff or even just curious I highly recommend you rent/Netflix the series a disc at a time.

I did go out with some friends on Friday and we ended up going to the Traffic Jam and Snug on my recommendation. It's been a little while since I've been there. Still good as ever. The soup of the day was a carrot dill and it was quite good as was my crabcake appetizer. I went for the vegetarian Sante Fe Burrito for my entree (very nice). I really wanted to the get the two berry crisp, but I ended up getting the fantastic Carlotta Chocolatta out of habit. Fan-diddly-tastic! It was actually very slow on Friday night and our service was the best I've had there in some time. The fact that it was so slow was very helpful. My only complaint is of there red wine bottle storage. The two bottles we went through were obviously kept in too warm an environment for some time. Although the wines weren't completely flawed, there was an obvious "cooked" character to them. It's really too bad because they have some decent wines at decent prices. Next time I'll stick with beer...they do make their own.

I went out today with friends and finally saw Clerks II. Hilarious!!! It's filthy-raunchy-dirty-perverse...and that's the way I like it. When Jay mimics Buffalo Bill's dance to "Goodbye Horses" by Q Lazzarus from Silence of the Lambs I almost sharted it was so funny. Dear God Jason Mewes is funny when he's clean and sober!!! The fact that Rosario Dawson was in the film didn't hurt. I think she is HOT!!! I feel a little dirty but I commented to myself years ago that a girl in the movie Kids was pretty beautiful and that she'd grow up to be something pretty amazing. Turns out she did. It was Rosario Dawson. I just found that out recently. Yum! You've got to be in a pretty perverse mindset to enjoy Clerks II and it would be best if you also enjoy Clerks and other Kevin Smith films, but I think it's pretty f'in funny! What's your opinion of "ass to mouth"? Sorry...

We ended up going to Bennigans to eat after the movie. Certainly not my first choice, but it's been a long time. When the server asked "Is everything delicious?" I wanted to say, "No. It's Bennigans. It's good enough...I guess. I mean...you tried. It's as good as it's ever gonna get here, which is marginal. I guess that's good enough. Thanks for playing."
My Guinness tasted like dishwashing solution, my soup was okay, the app was acceptable, the salad was warm, limp, and drenched. The chicken breast in the Asian salad could have been gerbil. The pre-fab Death by Chocolate was admittedly as good as a decent pre-fab dessert can be. Now I remember why I don't make it to Bennigans very often. The things I'll do for friends...

My landlord made a delicious batch of pico di gallo and tomatillo salsa. Yum! I hope she feels like making beans soon. ;) She makes the best damn beans!!!

My vacation starts on Friday. I'm really looking forward to it! I'm spending about half of it doing nothing and the other half going "Up North" for a while. I'll be going to a Tigers game for a friend's birthday and that should be a lot of fun. Can you believe that I still haven't been to Comerica Park yet? It's true. (I have been to Ford Field though...) I'll be staying at a house on the water somewhere between Elk Rapids and Charlevoix. I was there once about 14 years ago (long story) for a night and it's really beautiful. I look forward to chilling, reading, watching sunsets, drinking good wine, and watching sunsets while drinking good wine. I already have some good bottles lined up to bring up. I REALLY need this vacation. I haven't taken any time off since October. I'm taking a few more days off in September around my birthday. These are going to be the longest 4 days EVER!

Speaking of Ford Field...
The Lions won their pre-season game against Denver on Friday. I'm hopeful of a respectable season. I especially wish Cory Redding and Marcus Bell the best. They're really great guys that can issue a world of hurt. We'll see how things go with the new coach/quarterbacks. Let's be hopeful. I'm also hopeful of getting some free tickets thrown my way again... Go Lions!

Jokes come and go. I forget most of them. Some of them are good for a week and some of them even last for months. Eventually though they fade to obscurity and usually resurface about 5 years later. There is one joke, however, that I always remember. I consider it my "Trademark Joke". I heard it initially about 10 years ago from a trucker-mouth girl that I used to work with. I remember it because it's so vile and wrong. It sometimes gets a laugh but it always gets a cringe or a groan. That's good enough for me. The dirtiest-minded folks that I encounter always seem to enjoy it. I figured that I'd share it with you...

WARNING!!! DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING JOKE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED! SERIOUSLY!

There's a man and a woman sitting separately at a bar just drowning their sorrows. It's pretty obvious that they're depressed. The man decides to break the silence and speaks up,
"You know...I'm really depressed. My girfriend just left me. She left me because I like kinky sex."
"You're kidding," she says. "My boyfriend left me because I like kinky sex!"
They look at each other with shared intrigue. She says, "Look. We're both adults here. We both like kinky sex. Let's go to my place and have some fun!"
"Sure!" he says.
They both go to her place and she lets him in and says, "Give me a few minutes to slip into something more comfortable."
A few minutes later she comes out wearing thigh high leather boots, a black leather bustier, and a gimp mask. She has a riding crop and a ball-gag in her hand. The man, however, is putting his hat and coat on and walking out the door.
The woman says, "Hey! Where are you going?!? I thought that we were going to have some kinky sex."
The man says, "I already fucked your dog and shit in your purse...I'm leaving."

Sorry kids...I warned you not to read it. It's the first time that I've ever written it out. I'm used to just telling it. Seeing Clerks II just made me think of that joke I guess. That's my "Trademark Joke". Please don't think of it as a reflection of my character, however I do think it's pretty damn funny.

Random poll- How's your summer been so far?

Random poll #2- What (alcoholic) drink would you like RIGHT NOW?

Random poll #3- What's your favorite popsicle flavor?

Random poll #4- What are you looking forward to the most about autumn?

Random poll #5- Are your tomatoes ripe yet? (Our assorted peppers are popping like crazy, but the tomatoes aren't quite there yet. It'll be bountiful when they do ripen though.)

Cheers,
Jason

2 Comments:

Blogger Kathleen said...

Random poll- How's your summer been so far?

Fair to middlin', I guess.

Random poll #2- What (alcoholic) drink would you like RIGHT NOW?

Guinness, because it seems to calm my stomach down when it's not happy and it hasn't been happy in over a week now.

Random poll #3- What's your favorite popsicle flavor?

Popsicles are overrated in my book, but I like either banana (impossible to find) or root beer.

Random poll #4- What are you looking forward to the most about autumn?

Going to Vegas in October. I like autumn, but I don't look forward to it as that means shitty-ass winter is right around the friggin' corner.

Random poll #5- Are your tomatoes ripe yet?

This would require having a garden.

1:11 PM  
Anonymous Emily Cichon said...

Random poll- How's your summer been so far?
Great! I just returned home from a six week adventure in Poland:)

Random poll #2- What (alcoholic) drink would you like RIGHT NOW?
Blue Moon... which I have in the fridge, but I'll save for later considering it's early in the morning.

Random poll #3- What's your favorite popsicle flavor?
Blue raspberry.

Random poll #4- What are you looking forward to the most about autumn?
Going to a fantastic cider mill and eating fantastic cider mill dougnuts.

Random poll #5- Are your tomatoes ripe yet? I don't have a garden at the time, but I know my grandfather's tomatoes are ripe.

6:33 AM  

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