Thursday, March 17, 2005

Where in the world is John C? Part Sieben

(The inside joke continues...sorry)

We left our hero John reunited with his girlfriend, Megan, back at the Athens hotel sharing an evening of hot monkey-loving...

John and Megan woke up at around 11:00AM. They had quite an ordeal the previous night. They were finally together and happy as can be. John got out of bed and brushed his teeth with his Sponge Bob Square Pants electric toothbrush and all was well with the world. He shaved and showered as he looked and smelled like Mickey Rooney after a 3-day crystal meth bender in Tijuana. Feeling and looking refreshed, he called room service and ordered breakfast for he and Megan. He ordered fresh fruit and a croissant for Megan and Spotted Dick for himself. Everybody knows (by now) that John C just loves to swallow Spotted Dick. They lounged about the room and read. Megan was reading the local newspaper (in Greek) and John was reading the local music scene 'zine. John saw something that piqued his interest. Yanni would be performing at the Acropolis that evening WSG John Tesh and the Turd Brigade. They decided to stay in Athens so that they may witness this once in a lifetime opportunity. There was a knock on the door and room service wheeled in their breakfast. They both enjoyed their breakfast and each other's company at a leisurely pace. John was strangely addicted to Spotted Dick and was wondering if it was available at Merchant's (yes...yes it is). John and Megan got dressed and decided to do some of the touristy things. They visited assorted ruins and a museum as well as visiting the spot where the Olympic marathon runner was attacked by the defrocked priest. They also visited the original Olympic grounds and posed for pictures in various athletic poses. John and Megan also went to one those old-tyme black and white picture booths and posed in togas (instead of the traditional western wear). They took a ferry to Santorini and then on to the island where they filmed Summer Lovers. John really wanted to go here as the film provided some of John's earliest masturbatory moments. It is, after all, the film where Darryl Hannah got it one with another chick. Peter Gallagher's eyebrows also starred in the film. John took a bunch of pictures and bought some postcards of a naked Peter Gallagher. You never know when they'll come in handy. They made their way back to the dock and boarded the ferry back to Athens.

They were looking for an Olga's, but surprisingly had difficulty finding one. John noticed a familiar looking gentleman playing euchre at an outdoor table. The gentleman was wearing an Olga's apron and hat and had a stack of Olga's plastic trays at his side. It was Diamond D. He was now working as a tray collector at an Athens Olga's as part of an exchange program. He had wandered off. He was about 2 miles from the Olga's and had been missing for about 3 1/2 hours. It was Diamond D, indeed. John introduced Megan to Diamond D and she was a little creeped out. He walked with them to the Olga's and Diamond D was promptly fired. Diamond D just smiled as if nothing had happened. Diamond D recommended mixing Mountain Dew and Pepsi. He claims that the Greek water makes it taste even better than in the US. John and Megan really wanted to escape from Diamond D, but John remembered his promise to Gustavo. They enjoyed dinner at Olga's with an employee discount and then walked with Diamond D to Gustavo's house. John knocked on Gustavo's door and said hello to his new friend and accomplice. He introduced Diamond D to Gustavo and Gustavo's face lit up. Diamond D mentioned that he was unemployed and asked if he could sleep at his place. Gustavo offered to adopt Diamond D...the greatest DJ of all time! Diamond D quickly accepted the offer and agreed to mooch off of Gustavo for the rest of his life. Everyone was happy.

John and Megan looked at the time and decided to head to the Acropolis for the concert of the century. The crowd was gigantic. There were Yannites and Teshies everywhere. Everyone was abuzz in anticipation of the most boring event of all time. Kenny G, Connie Selleca, America's top smooth jazz performers, and representatives of Muzac were there. John Tesh and the Turd Brigade played first and then Yanni. The Yannites and Teshies were grooving to the sounds of crap, but they went insane when Yanni and John Tesh jammed together on a Phish-like 30 minute jam of "Assclown in F Minor: With Tubular Bells". John's ears were bleeding, but he had an alterior motive for coming to the show. He still had the cement-like muffins from Mrs. C's. He and Megan each grabbed a muffin and took aim. They each each hurled a muffin with all their might at the crotch regions of Yanni and John Tesh. Nothing happened. Apparently Yanni and John Tesh are both Eunuchs. John and Megan took aim again and nailed them both in the forehead and they went down to the ground. John and Megan then stormed the stage and told the crowd that they were free to go. Yanni and John Tesh no longer have control over them. Their mind-control tricks cannot work when they are knocked unconscious. The crowd shook their heads and simultaneously said, "What the hell are we doing here? These guys suck!". The Yannite and Teshie cults stormed the stage and started to kick the shit out of their former leaders and then set them ablaze with ouzo. John and Megan's work here was done.

They took a cab back to the hotel. They had done a great thing and they knew it. They returned to their room and had the best sleep of their lives. The kind of sleep one only gets when a great feat is accomplished. They are at peace. But what will tomorrow bring?

Tune in tomorrow for another craptastic installment of "Where in the world is John C?".



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gsh darn it.. I need to stop reading these during meetings

10:48 AM  

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