Sunday, June 05, 2005

About those tornadoes...barely even a schvitz

Weather forecasters have been going on and on all weekend about this supposed stormfront from the bowels of Hades. We had essentially been warned that it was going to be as evil puppy-killers or Dick Cheney (one and the same?). The TV screen had been polluted almost all day with the map of about 10 SE Michigan counties in the upper right hand corner. Dude...stop blocking the TV! Programming was being interrupted with Doppler radar updates and anxious meteorologists with raging hard-ons that would normally require a little blue pill (or Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice). The thunderstorm/tornado watches/warnings kept expanding and the end-times kept getting prolonged. Was this to be the storm of the century? What do you f'in think? It got a little dark and rained kinda hard for a few minutes. I think I heard some very distant thunder. Apparently the areas south and north of me were harder hit, but still nothing major. Apparently the city of Dearborn owns several strategically located trailer parks (away from Dearborn) that act as magnets and draw tornadoes away from it. They do own Camp Dearborn (a large park/camping area for Dearborn residents near Milford) and a retirement apartment building in Florida for Dearborn residents (WTF?!?)...that part's true. I'm not enjoying the weather, mind you. I'm a bit warm and moister than I care to be...thank you very much. This weekend felt like Florida...and you all know how much I enjoyed Florida. Looks like the AC might be going on early this year. Thank nameless possible omnipotent deity (Rip Taylor?) for ceiling fans and air-conditioning. As this is Michigan and it is still not officially summer I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up to snow.

I caught part of a Blow Out marathon today on TV. Wow! How did I miss this show? Drama and catfights (amongst men). I just don't understand how anyone could pay between $300-$700 for a haircut. My barber is up to $11 or $12 now. Oh...wait...the difference must be for the shampooing. My barber doesn't shampoo.

My co-worker will be on vacation this week. Ouch. Lots more on my plate. I won't be going to Chicago on Tuesday for the mega-Aussie tasting because it just isn't feasible. We're short staffed and Tuesday is the day I order the wine for the week. There is the other part-time girl...but she's as useless as tits on a lawnmower. (Hope she never finds my blog. I've got lots of stories about her, but I'd have to start a separate blog and rate it NC-17 for cluelessness, naivete, stupidity, ignorance, spoiled bitchiness, drunkardly behavior, and all-around uselessness. Let's just say that she was born with a silver serving spoon up her ass and no one bothered to remove it. She's looking for a rich guy to marry. Maybe, like the tale of King Arthur and Excalibur, the person that can remove the spoon from her ass is the rightful suitor. I've asked for her to be fired on more than once occasion (each with very good reason), but to no avail. Something is going on there methinks...

Did you know that it's officially Coke Slurpee/Icee/Frozen Coke is...because I say so. I love Coke Slurpees/Icees/Frozen Cokes. Unlike hunting season there is no limit and no animals need to be needlessly murdered and mutilated. You do have to wear the day-glo orange jackets though...

It being warm all of a sudden I've also been in the mood for pig assholes, chicken lips, cow hoof, and rat intestines...aka hot dogs. Actually I favor Dearborn Sausage brand beef hot dogs, or their natural casing beef/pork. I also enjoy (yearly) the Alexander & Polen brand weisswurst. It's a Swiss thing. (Dearborn Sausage also makes a damn fine ham...HoneyBaked sucks!)

Don't forget to catch Hell's Kitchen tonight (Monday) at 9:00PM. There's a guy named "Dewberry" and I must say that the name fits. Watch him probably cry...

I'm still waiting for my State tax-refund...

The Tony Awards were on tonight, but I didn't watch them. I'd catch bits here and there. Liev Schreiber won a Tony. Good for him. He's a brilliant actor. Samuel L. Jackson won the Tony Danza award for his performance as Mace Windu. He was up against Carrot Top, Corey Feldman, Charro, and Jack Jones...just kidding.

Apparently Detroit Pizza Hut/Burger King mogul Levan Hawkins is in a shitload of trouble...

Detroit mayoral candidate Freeman Hendrix is doing really well in the polls against Kwame...good!

Gotta go now...laundry to finish.



Blogger Kathleen said...

Did you see that Kwame wants to cancel the fireworks? I'm thinking that's not going to help his election campaign - even if he does completely blame the city council, because his name will be the one attached to the cancellation, not Maryann's.

12:43 PM  

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