Friday, March 18, 2005

Where in the world is John C? Part Acht

(The inside joke continues...)

We left off with our heroes John and Megan in a hotel room in Athens after thwarting a John Tesh and Yanni double-bill with muffins...

John and Megan slept until about 10:00AM. It was a beautiful spring day in Athens. John and Megan decided to pack their things and move on. They hauled all of their things to the train station and decided to take the long train to Turkey to get a cup of coffee. They purchased their tickets and checked their luggage, but still had about two hours to spare. They wandered around a bit until they settled on a small cafe and ordered a platter of flaming saganiki, stuffed grape leaves, lamb chops, moussaka, marinated octopus, and calamari. They ate everything except for the marinated octopus which they put in their pockets to bring back to the states to throw at a Detroit Red Wings game assuming the NHL ever resumes play. They also ordered some baklava and coffee and enjoyed their last hours in Athens.

They returned to the train station and walked into a gift shop. John found a display of Spotted Dick and started rubbing a can so violently that it exploded. All of a sudden John was really tired and wanted to go to sleep. He bought a few cans of Spotted Dick and an Orangina for the road. He and Megan boarded the train and found their berth and John fell asleep almost immediately as he had just finished handling his Spotted Dick. The train swayed and rocked gently as John slept for about 4 hours. John's eyes began to open and he slowly took in his surroundings. There were two others sharing the berth with he and Megan. They were covering their noses with their shirts as the stench of octopus in pockets started to permeate everything. The smell had wafted all the way to the dining car and people were becoming violently ill. They realized their mistake and threw the octopus out the window, but the windows were closed. The octopi stuck and slowly crawled down the wall as if they were Wacky Wall Walkers. John opened the window somewhere near Mt. Olympus and tossed the octopi out and hit a sheep farmer in the face.

The stench began to dissapate and he introduced himself to his fellow travelers. One of them was a German student named Frederich. He was a prog-rocking stoner with a passion for Beowulf and monkey touching. The other co-traveler was a revolutionary Basque separatist named Carmela. She bided her time by reading a biography of Che Guevara while listening to Rage Against the Machine on her Walkman. They were a little odd, but quiet enough. The train began its approach to the station at Thessaloniki and slowly came to a complete stop. They had about half an hour before the train would continue to Istanbul. John, Megan, Frederich, and Carmela deboarded the train to stretch their legs a bit. They took some pictures of each other and headed back to their train car. John was a little hungry and decided to have a snack. He pulled out his Spotted Dick and offered it to his hungry companions. Megan, Frederich, and Carmela all salivated at the sight of John's Spotted Dick and quickly began to caress it with their tongues. John's Spotted Dick was soon in everybody's mouth and everybody was moaning in extasy. John was happy that everybody was enjoying his Spotted Dick as he loves to share it. Carmela asked if John and Megan if they like to swing, and they both replied that they both loved to play on the swings when they were kids. Carmela shook her head and went back to her book. Frederich fell asleep with his hand on John's Spotted Dick and Megan soon fell asleep on John's shoulder. John gazed into the Greek night sky and eventually nodded off.

All four of the travelers began to wake as the morning sun crept through the window. The surroundings outside looke a little more arid. They all realized that they must be in Turkey. They played "I Spy" for the next three hours until the train finally rolled into the station at Istanbul. The four travelmates said goodbye and parted ways. Frederich was off to find some really good hash and Carmela was off to blow something up. John and Megan wandered through the streets and stumbled upon a grand outdoor market. John traded his nude Peter Gallagher postcards for a Renault and Megan bought some silk scarves. They sat down at a cafe to have a pot of Turkish coffee. They fulfilled their goal of having coffee in Turkey and agreed that it was time to leave the country. Like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, they had to decide on one of two options. They can drive to Syria and try to act as mediators between the Syrians and the Lebanese, or they can drive west to Bulgaria to get some really shitty wine. They decided to go west...

Tune in tomorrow for another shitty installment...



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