Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Disjointed as a skeleton in a tornado...

The Oscars (the ceremony) were sort of a snooze. I was really hoping that Al Gore would announce his candidacy...

J'OR has beaten his nearest opponent in the local mayoral race by an approximate count of 16,000 to 200. The other 9 candidates scored even lower. Wow!

I went to see Reno 911! Miami and I have to say that it was pretty darn funny. My favorite new slang that I picked up is "douche nozzle". Thanks Patton Oswalt!

See some amazing photographs here. (www.worldpressphoto.com)

There's this really scary looking motel (The Falcon Inn) on Michigan Ave. For years there was an equally scary looking Thai restaurant inside the confines of the motel. I was too pooped to cook last week so I was heading to Burger King/Taco Bell, but then remembered that an Indian restaurant opened in the space of the forme Thai restaurant. That should have been the ultimate warning, but I threw caution to the wind and decided to stop and get some carry out. The motel smells as nasty and is as dank as you could imagine. The new restaurant is protected from the accumulated 40 years of cigarette smoke and armpit by a door. The restaurant is very simply arranged, but I have to say the food was rather good. I'd definitely go back. It's not the greatest Indian food I've had, but it is certainly worthy of another visit. It's just in the worst/scariest location ever...

In late semi-response to Glen's blog regarding the whole "celebrity dinner" thing...
I'm going to mix it up a little bit from the norm.

Breakfast- I would like to start the day with my family in Switzerland. Barring the laws of time and physics and such it would be in the kitchen that belonged to Oma and Opa (grandma and grandpa). I have such wonderful childhood memories of that kitchen. The smiles and smells and love. Opa would still be alive and everyone would be healthy. Good bread, cheeses, and some Ovomaltine (Ovaltine). Watching cute little Oma slicing a loaf of bread against her chest and watching Opa sneak a little Kirsch into his coffee.

Coffee Break- I think I'd like to have coffee with the regional leaders that ruled during the existence of the Seven Wonders of the World, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan and the Dalai Lama. I'd ask how the pyramids were built (etc.), ponder over the vastness of the universe, and try to find peace. I'd also ask if anyone knew how the Nazca lines were made. Maybe I should have decaf...

Lunch- I'd love to have lunch with Julia Child and Jacques Papin. A very simple lunch with friendly chat. Maybe throw in Eric Ripert, Mario Batali, and Alice Waters. Maybe an omelette or something...

Afternoon Tea- JFK, RFK, Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln, the Dalai Lama again, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Jim Henson, Charles Schulz, Walter Cronkite, and Randy "Macho Man" Savage (for shits and giggles).

Dinner- Here we go with the big "dream list"... Nick Cave, Ian Curtis, Anthony Bourdain, Mark Twain, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Ralph Ellison, William Faulkner, Sarah Silverman, Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley, Naomi Watts, Cate Blanchett, Winona Ryder (circa Heathers), Thandie Newton, Noah Taylor, Willem Dafoe, Peter Sellers, Sir Alec Guinness, Kermit the Frog, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bill Bryson, George Carlin, Audrey Hepburn, the Monty Python troupe, the Kids in the Hall troupe, Max von Sydow, Bill Murray, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and Martin Short. We'd have braised short ribs.

Late Dinner- This, along with breakfast, would be the most important meal of the day. This would take place at Andoni's with all of my friends from college and throughout my life. We'd be in the smoking section, but no one would be smoking and Lou would be our ever-attentive waitress. We'd laugh, talk, and mock after a concert or just for something to do. We'd stay entirely too long and have fun with a youth group gathered behind the accordian wall section. We'd get French Toast, eggs, burgers, clam strips, chef salads, mushroom pitas, sundaes, and more. It would be the most enjoyable meal ever. There's nobody I'd rather dine with than my friends. RIP Lou.

And to cap it all off would be breakfast in bed with Kate Winslet!!!

I stole the following meme from Kat...

1. Who was your best friend (in high school)? I didn't have many friends when I moved to Michigan. No best friend in high school.

2. What sports did you play? Ha ha ha!

3. What kind of car did you drive? A 1980 Plymouth Volare "Premiere Edition" (Slant 6-226) Good engine, ugly car.

4. It’s Friday night, where were you? At home watching 20/20 usually.

5. Were you a party animal? Nope.

6. Were you in the “In Crowd”? Hell no! The only crowd I was in was the "drama fag" crowd. And I wasn't even top "drama fag".

7. Ever skip school? Nope

8. Ever smoke? Nope

9. Were you a nerd? Yes indeed!

10. Did you get suspended/expelled? Nope

11. Can you sing the alma mater? I don't know if we even had one. At one time I could sing the fight song from my previous high school.

12. Who was your favorite teacher? Ms. Stasiw! (Advanced Placement English, Drama I, Drama II, and teacher-aide)

13. Favorite class? (Drama I and Drama II)

14. What was your school’s full name? For some anonymity I will not answer. However the letters are APHS. A public school.

15. School mascot? For some more anonymity I will refrain also, but I can say that it is a large South American predatory cat.

16. Did you go to Prom? Yes. The only dance I went to. Not a good night. My date got back together with her ex that night and had sex with him at the afterparty that night (at her house...I was in the basement watching The Holy Grail with everyone else.) She got preggers that night...

17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? Hell no! High school sucked! Worst part of my life! It may have been different if I hadn't moved. I liked my other school...but high school generally sucks.

18. What do you remember most about graduation? Not much. Pretty boring.

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? Acting in school plays and Drama Club. Being a teacher-aide during her zero-hour. (I had the room to myself and usually got to do my own homework. Once in a great while I actually graded papers.)

20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall? What's a senior wall? I was Student of the Month in middle school and had my picture posted. I was highlighted in the school paper as a freshman when I lived in Oregon. My photo was taken with a girl I had a crush on (sitting on a bench). Nice!

21. Did you have a job your senior year? I worked at the local public library.

22. Who did you date? Ha ha ha!

23. Where did you go most often for lunch? Cafeteria. Didn't have too many friends but I often ate lunch with a junior named Brandt. Turkey on Jewish rye with a Kudos granola bar and a Capri Sun.

24. Have you gained weight since then? Yes

25. What did you do after graduation? I became an occasional blogger. Look at me!

You Are Strawberry Cake

Fresh, sassy, and romantic.
You're a total flirt, who never would turn down a sugary treat.
Occasionally you're a bit moody - but you usually stay sweet!

You Are 0% Homophobic

You're open minded, tolerant, and accepting.
And you're not homophobic in the least :-)

You Are a Smart American

You know a lot about US history, and you're opinions are probably well informed.
Congratulations on bucking stereotypes. Now go show some foreigners how smart Americans can be.

Random poll- What's your favorite pasta shape?



Thursday, February 22, 2007

As the world folds...

Funny- Today at work a customer called looking for a specific wine. The wine that he was looking for was Ruffino Libaio Chardonnay from Tuscany. The wine that he asked for was Ruffino Labia Chardonnay. I'm not going any further with that one. It took everything I had to not start snickering on the phone.

Sad- After work tonight I went over to Panera to get some food. My total was 17.26 and I handed the cashier a twenty. I was digging in my pocket for the $.26 and told her I had it and she didn't know what to do as she already rang it up as twenty. She had to ask another girl what to do. Luckily the other girl was not an idiot and told her to give me $3.00 back. It's a sad, sad world...

Scary/True- Read Jack Lessenberry's Metro Times column here.

Curiousity- Whatever happened to Anna Nicole Smith's freakishly obsessed troll-like assistant?

Wish- I really wish that I didn't have to work and that I'd get to spend my all of my time leisurely traveling the world. Sigh...


Sunday, February 18, 2007

Never trust a man in green tights...

I'm a Jif Extra Crunchy guy myself...or natural. Never got into that Peter Pan stuff.

I had the great fortune of going to Zingerman's Roadhouse for dinner today with friends. I had another great meal as always. I started with an awesome scallop ceviche special with just enough spice. I followed it with a cup of the soup of the day. It was a puree of acorn squash seasoned with cumin and garnished with an orange- scented sour cream. Delicious! My entree was extra fab! I had a Magret breast of duck (skin-on) with sauteed spinach and golden Carolina rice with applewood smoked bacon and oysters. Fandiddlyastic! I had a simple, but delicious "Hunk o'Burnin Love" chocolate cake for dessert. A delightfully dense and rich chocolate cake with a Belgian chocolate buttercream. I tried one of my co-diners "'07 Heaven" cake. A seven layer cake with chocolate, coconut, buttercream, almonds, and more. Nice! I started with a Rogue Dead Guy Ale and had a glass of syrah, but also had a Sprecher root beer on draft. Sprecher is awesome rootbeer! And it's even better on draft. Zingerman's is the only place I know of that has it on draft. A great meal!

Someone told me that Darren Revell is now in LA and that his "Big Sonic Heaven" show is on the air out there. Good on ya!

My Swiss grandmother turned 96 today! Happy birthday Oma! You're too cool for school!

It's been colder than a witch's teat lately. We also got a minor dumping of snow last week. I really don't mind it. What I do mind is that schools are closing left and right for snow and/or cold. I don't want to sound like our parents or grandparents who "Walked 20 miles uphill both ways in 10 feet of snow barefoot with only broken glass to cushion their feet and a grand piano on their back", but... They VERY RARELY closed school when I was a kid. When I lived in Oregon it made sense as we barely got any snow in our part of the Willamette Valley. We did have a few closures, but they go nuts in the valley when you get just an inch of snow. Snow tires, snow chains, and all that jazz. Very funny! But when I moved to Michigan my public high school never closed. All of the neighboring districts closed. Not us! Of course the private schools closed...they closed when they heard a rumor that someone sneezed. Kids would often run late for school as they listened to/watched the school closings waiting to hear that our district was closed as the 6 neighboring public districts were closed. But the name never came up. That would then result in a phone call to the school to verify and indeed they were open and your ass was late! Rather than scroll through the hundreds of schools that were closed they should have just said that ours was the only one open! I don't remember school ever closing because it was too cold!

I've posted before that this generation of kids is going to bring this country to its knees eventually. Kids are growing up being over-protected and in an environment where "everybody is a winner". Everybody gets a ribbon for being mediocre. Kids cheat on exams with cell phones, Blackberrys, and what not. (I'm not of the slide-rule or abacus generation- we did have calculators, but about all we could do is type in "7734" or ".7734" and turn it upside down for giggles.) We didn't have car seats when we were kids, we had dashboards and bench/bucket seats to fly into. We didn't have anti-bacterial anything...we played in dirt with rocks and sticks and rusty nails. Our gym teachers yelled at us and called us names! MADD and SADD and DARE were laugh-inducing. Most of the kids now that were in the DARE program are complete high-ons using ecstacy, meth, prescribed Ritalin, and a rainbow of pills. When I was a kid they just smoked weed. Some day a Ritalin-addled celiac that's never been spanked and is also lactose-intolerant, allergic to peanuts, nature, and human contact will be forced to run for President. They'll be forced to run as no one will no what a competitive nature is. The population will be too medicated to care who's running and wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by voting for someone over another. The contestants would all be content to just get a ribbon for participating and then get carry-out pizza from Chuck E. Cheese's because they actually think it's great pizza. Downloaded pablum-pop will be considered progressive and mom-and-pop restaurants and stores will all be closed as the sole purveyor of everything will be McWalCo. President-Elect Indifferent will drool into onto his/her anti-microbial safety desk as Japan hands us our economic ass on a platter. Michigan will be look like "Old Chicago" on Buck Rogers and become a giant mutant-breeding swamp (Thanks to global warming and a 5th world economy). So stop closing schools for a little bit of snow you silly gooses!

Random poll- When you go grocery shopping do you return your cart to the store, return it to the cart corral, or leave it in the parking lot? (Assuming you buy enough groceries that you need a cart.)



Saturday, February 10, 2007

This Week in Bat-Shit Crazy

Hey kids!

Sorry for the non-posting, but I've just been too tired to sit down and try to be creative in the evening. I get out of work later than most people and when I get home I generally want to veg by watching TV or something. I really can't post from work and I sure as hell don't want to post in the morning before work because that's just silly. I also don't have a lot of material as I mostly just work. My life is pretty sad.

A week ago Thursday BST called me at work and asked if I wanted to see a show with him at the Blind Pig in Ann Arbor. It would be a late night but I didn't have to work the next morning so I agreed. It's been quite a while since I've been to a concert. I wasn't really familiar with the band, Camera Obscura, but BST said they were Scottish and sounded a bit like Belle & Sebastian. Sounded good to me. We got there about 9:30 and probably got in about 10:00. There was a line wrapped around the door and it was colder than Dick Cheney's demeanor. We were worried that it may sell out before we got to the door but we ended up lucking out. As with most shows these days I felt really old. Like a really old perv as there were so many attractive YOUNGER girls there. One of the first things I noticed was this guy in front of us. I think he was trying to go for the Kurt Cobain look but ultimately he ended up looking like a dead ringer for Peter Tork. A band from Brooklyn called The Essex Green opened and they were really good. Kind of jangly, folky, poppy, and psychedelic with a definite Byrds inspiration. Very good and a very cute singer. The three tallest guys in the room ended up (of course) standing right in front of us. One of the tall guys and probably the shortest guy (a sound guy) lit up some clove cigarettes. I didn't know that anybody still smoked cloves other than high school neo-goths and and other pale tortured poetry/drama types. These guys were over 21 and smoking cloves. Maybe they're in a D & D club or something (that's Dungeons & Dragons to you youngsters out there that don't know shit about nuthin'). Camera Obscura came out and did a really great show. Another cute singer. Dang! I'm really glad I went. I heard a great band that I wasn't familiar with before. BST and I tried a 24-hour joint in the Dearborn area that we hadn't tried before. I've mentioned before that there is a severe lack of 24-hour dives in the Dearborn, which is really silly as there are so many bars and drunks in the area. The place was pretty good and remains a fine option for late night dining. Good to know.

Another great opinion piece from Jack Lessenberry here. Scary and accurate. Michigan is f*cked!

I stayed home during the Superbowl as I didn't have any Superbowl party invites, but then again I really don't give a crap. I did have a couple "squares" from the restaurant job but I didn't win a dime (as usual). I was one point away from winning the final score/jackpot square. Dang! Prince did a pretty good job at halftime, but I'd have to say that his performance was racier than the whole Nipplegate thing a couple years ago. I think Indianapolis won. I don't really care...

We were having that whole abnormally warm thing going on not too long ago. Now it's been single digit cold with double digit below-zero with wind chill. Crazy shit! You'd better listen to Al Gore...

I was flipping channels on Monday and came across a televised forum of mayoral candidates for the city in which I live. The very popular former mayor of 20-some odd years passed away recently. There is a certain candidate who has been president of the city council for some time. We'll call him JO'R. After watching the forum it is VERY CLEAR that JO'R is by far the only candidate worth a vote. He CRUSHED the others. JO'R is very smart and has been involved in Dearborn politics for some time. His father was mayor for a while as well. Not only is JO'R bright, but his opponents are blubbering idiots. We'd be in a lot of trouble if anyone other than JO'R were elected. I have no idea why some of these people are running other than to embarrass themselves. Maybe I should have run...it pays pretty well.

Once again 24 kicks ass! This season may even be better than the last one. Paul Crane, formerly Dr. Rocket Romano in ER and the guy with the red fro in Fame (the movie), is a huge dick again...even bigger than his ER role! Talk about an asshole!

Speaking of dank, smelly orifices...
Anna Nicole Smith died. No big surprise really. It's too bad she didn't take Bobby Trendy with her. The newest info is a little odd. Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband claims to have had an affair with her for the last 10 years or so and says that the baby may be his. Wow! She was so white trash that bleach was envious. Sad (not mournful) state of affairs.

Speaking of Bobby Trendy...
Not that I want to... I just want to say that Bobby Lee from MAD TV is probably the funniest thing on sketch TV today! He's the opposite of Horatio Sans...funny! His Bobby Trendy, Connie Chung, Kim Jong Il, and other roles are are frickin' hilarious! Keep it up!

I'll keep astronaut and NASA jokes to a minimum. That's just too f'ed up to even to expound upon. How can I make it sound any crazier than it already is. That woman is certifiably futs! Should I talk about it??? Depends...

The sad thing of my life is that this weeks highlight for me was probably the return of Lost. Wednesday nights have been sort of slow nights and I was between Netflix mailings so I was flipping channels hoping to find something interesting other than the Mythbusters rerun and found the season premiere of Lost. I thought it was in a couple of weeks. Thank goodness I've got something to look forward to on Wednesdays. Told you I had a sad life...

Next Wednesday I'm going to try-out online for the 2007 World Series of Pop Culture trivia contest sponsered by VH-1 and Entertainment Weekly. I watch/watched way too much TV. I just may have a shot!

Random Poll- Pre-mixed chocolate milk, Hershey's Syrup, Nestle Quik powder, Ovaltine, Bosco, or some other brand of chocolate milk mix? (In my book there's nothing better than Calder Brothers Dairy Chocolate Milk followed by Guernsey followed by Ovaltine followed by Hershey's Syrup)

Random Poll #2- Mardi Gras is coming. Would you show your goods for beads? What if they were really nice beads?

Random Poll #3- Is is cold enough for ya?

Random Poll #4- Sledding, skiing, snowboarding, cross-country skiing, ice skating, hockey, snow angels, or a hot toddy for the body?

Random Poll #5- How would you "fix" Michigan? (In five words or less)



Thursday, February 01, 2007

Famous Marcels: Proust, Marceau, the monkey from Friends, and that douchebag chef

Yes!!! I'm so glad that poofy-haired asshole molecular gastronomist Marcel didn't win Top Chef. It was also very cool that Wiley Dufresne was a judge. I wanted either Elan or Sam to win from the beginning. Congratulations Elan!