Monday, May 29, 2006

My friends are funky hipsters, commitment ceremonies, Africa hot in May, and 42 funny movies...

Hey kids! I hope you all had a nice Memorial day weekend. Mine was alright. I actually had two days off in a row. Weird.

I was flipping channels yesterday when I caught Trading Spaces about 10 minutes into it. This episode actually had a couple of friends on it. I knew that they were going to be on but I didn't know it when it was going to air. I guess I found out too late, but it's going to re-run next Friday. I taped about 45 minutes of it, but I'll re-tape it next week. Luckily both teams liked the end result. The funny thing is that the cable description of the episode labels my friends as "funky hipsters". Cool. M was very animated and J was his quiet but funny self. It was really cool to see. It was cool to see a couple of friends representing the D in Austin. I look forward to taping the re-run. Good job guys!

Yesterday I attended the Downriver same-sex commitment ceremony of a couple of wonderful ladies. I've known them for about 5 years and I don't know them incredibly well, but they're really amazing people and capable drinkers. I'm honored that I was invited to the short and simple outdoor ceremony. The crowd was small but fun. Unfortunately one of them did not have family attend as she's essentially been disowned resultant of this ceremony and her life choices. Luckily friends were there to support both of them. Everything was very low-key and casual and a great time was had by all. Both of the lovely ladies wore white (C in a dress and R in pant outfit). The ceremony under the shade of the giant weeping willow was very nice. Shade was the key of the day as it was frickin' hot and humid yesterday. It was at least in the high 80's and it's still frickin' May. This is going to be a wicked hot summer. I'm not looking forward to it. It eventually cooled off a little as the sun went down, but then the bugs came out. I got my first mosquito bites in frickin' May! A fire was built in a pit and that kept away some of the bugs, but the heat of the fire just contributed the melting of my large frame. I left at about 1:30 AM as people were passing out or leaving. It was a nice day. The heat was a hindrance, but the wonderful reason for gathering made it all okay. I am so very happy for R and C. I really do hope that some day this state or this country will officially recognized same-sex unions and legalize weddings. R and C's love and commitment to each other should be an example of the perfect union and their ceremony should shine as a beacon to others in challenging and unsure waters. Their commitment is real, but it's unfortunate that local and national governments will not officially recognize their bond. I am hopeful of a future where such unions will be accepted, legal, and commonplace, but until then let's all do our part to make it so. Please support same-sex marriage and be vocal about it. There will be a day when Dubya is no longer in office and eventually the police-state administration will be at least temporarily banished. Let's do whatever we can to get them out and keep them out of office. Impeach Dubya now and let's take our country back! Bring back government for the people. Bring back government of the people. Stop discrimination and fight for tolerance. Let's make this a country to be proud of. It's going to take a lot of work so don't be afraid to get your hands a little dirty if it means a respectful and tolerant administration. Say what's on your mind even if you are a little paranoid about reprisal. Your calls are already being recorded...

Like I said's hot! Africa hot! It's only May. Global warming is kicking our ass! And yes, Dubya is to blame actually. I wish it would snow...

Bravo is listing the 100 Funniest Movies of all time. I can't find a list of all 100 posted yet. I'll post them or a link when something is available. What are your top funniest movies? Here's a list of my top 42 in no particular order...

1) History of the World: Part I This and Caddyshack are the two most quotable movies of all time! I think it's Brooks' best, although most would disagree.
2) Caddyshack GENIUS!!!
3) Animal House "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
4) Monty Python and the Holy Grail "Oh holy hand grenade of Antioch..."
5) Vacation
6) It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (Jonathan Winters, Buddy Hackett, Phil Silvers, Sid Caesar, and more all in one film? Hilarious!!!)
7) This is Spinal Tap "These go to eleven."
8) Anchorman
9) Erik the Viking
10) Blazing Saddles
11) Best in Show I love Parker Posey.
12) Waiting for Guffman I love Parker Posey.
13) Airplane! "Do you like gladiator movies son?"
14) A Fish Called Wanda K-k-k-k-ken!
15) Dr. Strangelove Classic!
16) The Pink Panther (All Pink Panther flicks with Peter Sellers qualify) Laugh so hard you get the hiccups.
17) Rushmore
18) The Music Box (Laurel and Hardy)
19) Silver Streak
20) Sleeper
21) The Jerk
22) Dogma
23) The Odd Couple
24) Some Like it Hot
25) Annie Hall
26) The Graduate
27) Fargo
28) Life of Brian
29) Annie Hall
30) Raising Arizona
31) Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House
32) Young Frankenstein
33) Spaceballs
34) Fast Times at Ridgemont High Every time I hear the Cars I think of Phoebe...
35) Harold and Maude
36) Trading Places
37) Swingers
38) Shakes the Clown
39) The Princess Bride Inconceivable!
40) Revenge of the Nerds
41) Better Off Dead
42) Repo Man "Hey Archie! Let's go do some crimes."

So many funny movies, so little space. I'm sure you'll disagree with many of my choices...screw you! They're my choices. What are yours? I didn't do a lot of thinking to put this list together. These are the first 42 that came to my head. Water World, The Postman, and Battlefield Earth are funny too, but they're not supposed to be. That's why they're not on the list. I'll have to come up with a steaming pile of crap list eventually...

Last week I went to G's store and picked up a bunch o' CDs. A big ol' bunch. Lot's o' cool stuff. The newly released Johnny Cash 2-CD set "Personal File" is really great!

I'm pretty excited. The Proposition is actually going to be playing in the Detroit area. It's written by Nick Cave (my absolute fave musician) and the soundtrack is written by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis. The soundtrack kicks ass. I've had it for months. It's supposed to be very good actually and stars Guy Pearce and Emily Watson among others. I can't wait to see it! I'm actually not working this Friday if anybody would like to join me at the opening...


Random poll- What are the funniest movies ever?


Sunday, May 28, 2006

You Are 64% Cynical

You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results.
You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

You Belong in 1969

If you scored...

1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.

1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!

1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

American Cities That Best Fit You::
75% San Francisco
70% Los Angeles
65% Washington, DC
55% Atlanta
50% Chicago
You Are Iceman

You tried to live a normal life, but it just wasn't possible
A bit of a slacker, you rather tell jokes than cultivate your powers

Powers: turning self and others into ice, making ice weapons, becoming nearly invisible
You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

Sort of...
But as we all know Bert is evil.

Monday, May 22, 2006

I don't wanna get whacked like that...

The title is in reference to Vito (Joseph R. Gannascoli) getting whacked on the newest episode of The Sopranos. For the record I do not want to be beaten to death and then have a pool cue shoved up my ass. For the record...

Interesting factoid- By doing the IMDB link I learned that Joseph Gannascoli played a guard in Basquiat (one of my all time faves).

I think I just heard/read that The Brother From Another Planet was finally released on DVD. Great frickin John Sayles movie!!!
Buy, rent, Netflix it now! It's a very touching, unusual, and smart film. The IMDB plot summary should certainly let you know that it's a bit unusual. I remember seeing this movie as a kid with my dad at an art house theater in the big city (Portland). I also remember seeing The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension with him at a Portland theater. Another cult classic!

I'm exhausted. It's been a strenuous month. Today unoffically wraps up my major ass-whooping at work (for now). I'll certainly be challenged further, but a string of major events has finally come to an end. The fact that we're severely understaffed doesn't help the situation. I've got to be careful, but a certain key nepotized employee has been noticeably absent as of late. That normally would bring tears of joy...and it does in fact, but that also means more work for the minions (ie. me). I'm done with the judging, the charity event I was in charge of on Wednesday was a success. The winemaker's dinner I was in charge of was a raging success (of sorts). And today's final ass-kicker kicked my ass but good, but good... Today's major tasting went very smoothly although the count was a bit low. Unfortunately due to said event I had to miss the fabulous Glen's 40th birthday dinner. Happy birthday Glen! You rock! I have what I think is a pretty ass-kicking gift for you. I hope you enjoy it. Anyhoo...things should settle down a tad. The dinner was held at an old place of employment of mine and it went very well. This was the first year I was able to attend the annual dinner and I was also put in charge of it. The general consensus was that it was the best ever. That's pretty comforting as I worked with the chef on the menu and the pairings were tremendous. In fact, the winemaker commented that it was the best of the 5 winemaker dinners he did this week (he's on a junket of sorts). He also said that the dessert pairing with his port is probably the best he's ever had. I'll take that as a pat on the back. I don't get many of those. I'll pat myself...but that'll probably hurt as I'm so sore and tired from today's event. I put in 11 hours today on my day off carrying tables around, loading and unloading vans, and numerous other duties. And it was windy as hell (an outdoor tasting). I'm damn glad it's over...

And how are you?

Supposedly a photographer from one of the the local papers is going to be taking my picture this week for a story that's going to run in June. The story is already in the works. I have a general idea what the story is about, but I really don't know what direction it's going to go in. Neato. I know a local writer/editor and I had mentioned the dinner I threw a few weeks ago and I guess it gave her an idea for a story. We shall see...

Now that work has lightened up a bit I'll even more be able to enjoy the slew of season finales this week. Did you see the season finale of ER last week? Damn! (Yes. I actually still watch ER...)

I do finally have a day off next Sunday, but it'll be spent at the lesbian wedding. Should be a load of fun. The girls and their friends enjoy a drink or two or three or four or five...or a case... I hope the weather is nice (it's outdoors).

I've been so busy I really haven't had a chance to follow the news/politics this week. I do know this however...President Asshat still sucks! Dubya could die and I really wouldn't mind...ya know?

I just received the newest Anthony Bourdain book from my Amazon pre-order. It's called The Nasty Bits. I can't wait to dive into it. Gotta love any Ramones/Stooges loving chef that loves to swear like a pissed off trucker with Tourette's...

Random poll- What do you like on your hot dogs/tofu dogs? Ketchup (sacrilege), ketchup and mustard (wrong), or just mustard (perfect)? Onions, relish, chili, cheese don't count in this one. Don't even get me started on a Chicago style dog...

Random poll #2- Who is your favorite Monty Python troupe member?

Random poll #3- Was Charles really in charge?

Hope you're having a happy and healthy Masturbation Month!


You Are Fish

You have a well formed palate and a daring appetite. If it's served to you, you'll at least try it.
People are pretty scared of your exotic ways. But once they get a taste of you, they're addicted!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

"I love you too Johnnycakes..."

The title wouldn't make much sense to you unless you saw this week's awesome episode of The Sopranos...

Not much going on with me. My life has pretty much been devoted to work or other wine-related stuff. I had a lot of fun judging the wine competition in Canada. They're were a lot of really surprisingly good Canadian wines that I tasted. Some really powerful syrahs and cabs from British Columbia. There was a fair amount of plonk (as to be is expected from anywhere). I've already been asked to judge again next year and I look forward to it.

Work is ass and the week isn't over. It's going to be a long week. I need to start planning my vacation...

About the only thing I've done other than work lately is watching sweeps TV. My life is pretty damn lame. I did enjoy a "movie night" at BST's on Saturday. We watched the documentary Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room. Holy shit! It's unbelievably insane what those assclowns got away with! I hope they all die painful, torturous deaths and they take their administrative supporters in Washington along with them. You really need to see it. It'll really piss you off and maybe even make you Hulk out...

Tonight there was an episode of My Super Sweet 16 with an extra special obnoxious bitch from Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. Oy. She's an heiress to a frickin' French chateau. A really, really big one. Damn! Bloomfield Hills is the richest city in America per capita. The chateau thing puts her in another class all together...

Like I said...I really don't have much going on. I don't have much to write about...

After heading over the border I realized that I should really go over to Windsor more often as there are so many great restaurants. It was also sort of neat to see Canada in daylight. I'm accustomed to mostly visiting Canada at night. Daylight provides a whole new perspective.

Oh yeah. There's a good article on Nick Cave in the new Entertainment Weekly. Check it out!

Sorry kids. My brain is fried this week. Hopefully I'll make a better attempt at piecing words together later...



Saturday, May 13, 2006

Your Linguistic Profile::
55% General American English
20% Upper Midwestern
10% Yankee
5% Dixie
5% Midwestern
You Are 11% Vain

You don't have a vain bone in your body - almost as a matter of principal.
You demand to be judged on who you are, not what you look like.
Your Political Profile:
Overall: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Stinger? I don't even know 'er...

This evening I went to get gas for the first time for my new car. I opened the gas cap cover and found a dead hornet inside. Then I noticed something that looked kind of odd on the inside of the cover. There was the beginning of a hornet nest sticking to it. Luckily there weren't any other hornets around and I was able to get rid of it. Odd.

I have to go to bed early tonight so that I can get up early tomorrow to taste a bunch of Canadian wine.

ITMFA! (Don't even get me started on the new phone records thing right now...)

You Are a Pineapple Jelly Bean

Easy going and undemanding, you have good taste but aren't a show off about it.

"South of the border...down Canada way!!!"

Tomorrow and Saturday I'll be driving to Windsor, Canada to judge a Canadian wine competition. I'm very curious to see what the different provinces have to offer. I'm expecting a lot of fruit wines. Most of the Canadian wines I've tasted have been better than the Michigan wines I've tasted. So hopefully I'll be in for some luck. This begins "shit week". I'm going to be insanely busy with work until the 22nd. I don't know if I'll be posting much. I don't remember the last time I've been to Canada during daylight. I have to be in Windsor at 8:30AM. That sucks! I don't know how the border traffic has been lately so I'll have to get up at 6:00 or so. Oy!


Random poll- Should I take the bridge or the tunnel? (I normally prefer to take the bridge, but I don't know which gets more backed up that early in the morning).

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Worst movie ever?

Quite possibly...
This evening I went out with some friends and we decided to see a movie. I haven't seen a film in the theater in a long time so I was pretty willing to something I wouldn't normally choose. Most of the choices were nixed for all of us. The thing that I wanted to see most in the mainstream theater was Thank You For Smoking, but the timing was not right. It would not have been my friends' first choice, but they would have seen it. For the record I usually hate the movies they want to see and they absolutely abhor the movies I want to see. Using process of elimination we settled and decided to see The Benchwarmers. I figured that it would be a stupid SNL alum vehicle, but even I couldn't believe what an absolute stinker it was. It stank more than a decaying corpse wrapped in skunk cabbage on a hot and humid day. My time would have been better spent cleaning a truck stop restroom with my tongue. The Benchwarmers will give Manos the Hands of Fate a run for its money on the shit-scale. The Benchwarmers is the biggest turd laid since Barbara Bush shat out a steaming pile of Dubya.

Did you know that May is International Masturbation Month? Seriously. Have fun kids! And I've been treating it like it's a year long event...

The new issue of Entertainment Weekly posted a "Special Website Edition of The Must List (Ten Things We Love This Week)"
Here are 4 of the highlights- (When you can't get enough puppies, kittens, bunnies, etc.) (Things actually overheard in New York) (Big time American thespians doing Japanese commercials) (Kevin Smith's online diary. I think I'm going to order the "Got Christ?" T-shirt.)

The guy that plays Artie on The Sopranos was just arrested in New York for DWI and cocaine posession.

What's my opinion of Rosie O'Donnell joining The View? I really couldn't give a crap.

Apparently Britney and K-Fed are going to have another kid. I'm sure MENSA will be scouting the child like Buddhists and a young Dali Lama...

They're going to remake Clash of the Titans. But the original was so bad/good...

Work this week will be about as fun as a barrel of dead monkeys.

I'm going to be judging a wine competition in Canada next weekend. What exactly do I tell them at the border???

Have a great week!



Random poll- What's your favorite masturbation euphemism?

Saturday, May 06, 2006


You Passed 8th Grade Geography

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Thank goodness. It was always my best subject.

Friday, May 05, 2006

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions
You Are a Lime Margarita

Realistic and grounded, you have the energy to tackle any obstacle that stands in your way.
Hyper and driven, you despise lazy behavior of all kinds... especially lazy drunks too tired to dance!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

I love the smell of new car in the smell's like victory.

Oy! My ass is kicked. Work is driving me insane. I've been damn busy and I'm in desperate need of a vacation. I guess it's time to start planning something. Even if I don't go anywhere I definitely need time away from work. My brain is mush.

Let's see...
Last week I bought a new car. My old car was paid off and the engine was still in great shape, but a bunch of little (mostly cosmetic) things were wrong with it. The little things kept compiling and those things certainly add up ($). I've sort of been toying with the idea of getting a new one for a while and then I impulsively decided to just do it. The American economy is in the shitter, the Detroit economy is in especially bad shape, but my own home town of Dearborn is in a very scary place. I always felt a little guilty about owning a foreign car here, but it was an economical choice above anything. I'm not a big fan of any certain automotive company one way or another, but living in Dearborn I felt guilted into supporting the VERY LOCAL economy. I bought my first Ford. (For the record I have driven 3 Chrysler products) I opted for the newish Ford Fusion SE. I also opted for the bigger V6 and sport package. Black. It's quite a nice car. Maybe most exciting to me is the fact that I've finally got a CD player in my car (in-dash 6 CD changer no less). I'm really loving my new car right now. That may change when I have to make my first payment. I'll definitely be a little poorer for the next 5 years, but damn I'll look good driving my sweet ride.

Also last week I threw my dinner party. It went pretty well. Here's a peak at the menu.

Assorted Crostini, cheeses, olives

First Course- Cream of Wild Mushroom Soup with Parmesan Crouton and Fresh Morel Garnish

Main Course- Fennel Pollen dusted Pork Loin wrapped with Prosciutto di Parma over Shaved Fennel
Mascarpone and Roasted Garlic Mashed Yukon Gold Potatoes
Grilled Asparagus
Porcini and Pea Arancini (risotto balls) with Mushroom Palamina Sauce (for my vegetarian friend)

Salad Course- Mixed Greens with Blueberry Vinaigrette, Toasted Hazelnuts, Red Onion, Dried Blueberries, Bosc Pear, Goat Cheese

Dessert Course- A Trio of Cheesecake, Broiled Macadamia Nut Pineapple Crunch, and homeade pineapple/orange ice cream

I also made my triple chocolate fudge brownies for my guests to take home. The loaf of bread that I ordered from Paris was very damn good, but by the time Sunday rolled around it was pretty hard. I love a good gum-cutting crust, but the rest of it was a little tough to eat. It was baked on Tuesday, arrived on Thursday, and was mostly consumed on Sunday. The quality was most excellent though. Wines served were Louis de Sacy Rose NV Champagne, 2004 DeLisio McLaren Vale Grenache, 2004 Marquis Philips Shiraz 9, and Hardy's Botrytis Semillon. Yum! We had some good laughs. It was fun.

Work is bollocks right now. It just plain and simply sucks! About the only reprieve I'll get is judging at a wine show in Canada for a couple of days (only across the river in Windsor). That will be demanding and wine-related, but it should be fun...I won't be at work anyway.

There are a lot of dumbasses in this world. There are 20 specifically that I can think of that were out on the town last Friday. At the restaurant job we had a reservation for 20 people at 7:30 (along with a 26, an 11, a 10, and various other sizes). It was 8:30 and they were still a no show. One of the managers called to verify the reservation and the person said that they were coming. About 15 minutes later they called back and said that they meant to make their reservation at another restaurant. The kitchen was obviously happy, but the two servers scheduled to wait on them got screwed. Fargin' idiots!

About the only things keeping me sane this week have been GREAT episodes of The Sopranos, 24, House, Law and Order: SVU, and Lost. This season has seen some of the greatest writing in TV history. WTG Vito for finding a little New Hampshire nookie! The biggest nailbiter is still 24. What an awesome season! Omar Epps should get an Emmy for his performance this week on House. Damn!

Another great opinion piece by Jack Lessenberry in this week's Metro Times.

The "WTF?!? of the Day" is...Kathy Griffin will be performing at the Max M. Fisher Music Center. WTF?!? I wonder if Carrot Top and Megadeth are opening for her???

This week I need to get a new suit. I have a couple of events coming up and the Native American inspired lesbian commitment ceremony to attend. No rest for the wicked...

I need a vacation, a long drive in my new car, a large sum of money, and a massage. (I've never had a massage and I don't know if I actually need one, but I imagine that I've got so much pent up stress that I could burst like a supernova...or at least let loose a really, really big fart). It doesn't look like our "Up North" vacation is going to happen this year, so I'll have to figure out another way to relax. Last years trip was the most relaxed I've been in a long, long time. I really don't have the money this year to do any major travel, so it looks like I'll be staying in Michigan. Although a weekend in Chicago isn't entirely out of the question. There was also a mention of possibly going to Traverse City with another friend for a few days with a free stay in a kick-ass house. We'll see...

That's all for now. My brain can't handle any more...

ITMFA! President Asshat can suck my left one!


Random Poll- Which "Out of Print" movie would you most like to see released on DVD? (I'm waiting for Erik the Viking and Decline of Western Civilization Part I)