Wednesday, November 30, 2005

This post is boring as a post...

I went to the new Bed, Bath, and Beyond in Allen Park last night. I didn't realize it had opened yet until a coworker told me. I was going to go to the one in Novi seeing as I didn't want to go the the closer one in Taylor (if you live around her you'd know why), but now there's one even closer. Nothing special. It's just like any other BBB. They didn't have what I was looking for, but I did pick up a gift card for someone's birthday. At least the trip wasn't wasted. On the left side of the BBB was a Pier One, with a World Market on the right. That seems kinda retarded. World Market is essentially a Pier One with a little wine and some food. I decided to check out the World Market. The wine prices were shockingly low, but the selection is pretty darn small. I bought myself a chocolate bar (Weiss 70% Cocoa with Roasted Cocoa Beans) that was nice.. I was behaving well...I deserved a treat. I cannot frickin' believe the size of the the Allen Park development. I never realized that the old VA Hospital sat on so much land. It's HUGE!!! The BBB is located on top of a sort of hill. I could see the Ambassador Bridge from the parking lot. That was kind of neat. The rest of the development is on lower ground and you can also see the "giant tire". I hope that this new mega-million dollar (billion?) development doesn't collapse into the salt mines...although it would be pretty funny.

I was wondering when I'd be able to get any Christmas shopping done, but then I remembered that I've got this here computer thingy and got most of my shopping done online. Hooray for me! Hope you like tube socks, calk, and John Tesh...

Now I've just got to get my Christmas cards...
(I got my first one today...somebody was ambitious)

Crappy week at work. Very crappy. It doesn't help that my muscles are still strained. A case of wine (12 bottles) weighs about 45lbs. and they don't move themselves.
Semi-interesting wine factoid- Champagne cases weigh even more as the glass is double thick to contain the pressure of the wine.

I had a very weird random thought recently. I wondered whatever happened to Erma Bombeck. Turns out she died in 1996. Is the grass always greener over the gravesite too?

Random Poll- When do plan to get your Christmas shopping done?
Random Poll #2- Who's your favorite Monty Python member?
Random Poll #3- Potato chips, tortilla chips, or pretzels?


Sunday, November 27, 2005

It even hurts when I fart...

It's been a rough few weeks. I've gotten over the coughing and such, but I've still been trying to recover from the pulled muscles. My right side is feeling pretty good and my left side was healing up okay when all of a sudden I re-pulled the left side but good at the restaurant on Friday. It's been a painful weekend. Any cough hurts like hell. A sneeze? Don't ask. Last night I even farted and it hurt.'s true...I fart. I am a guy...and I do fart from time to time. Women, however, do not fart. That's the rumor anyway. Who am I to refute scientific fact? I've also seen the T-shirt that says "Girls don't poop." I guess I'm inclined to believe that too. Why else would they print it? Sorry...

It's already the end of November and I just found out that Link Wray died on November 5th. I don't know why I didn't hear about it sooner. Another guitar legend gone...

Congratulations to the Edminton Eskimos defeating the Montreal Alouettes to win the Grey Cup in a 38-35 OT victory. (I didn't actually watch the game, but I did check in from time to time.)

Now that Jessica Simpson has separated from Nick Lachey she is free to marry someone with similar intellect...maybe a turnip, a lobotomized monkey, or Dubya.

I think it's about time to go to the basement and find my Chronicles of Narnia book set and reread The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. The Chronicles of Narnia was definitely among my favorite childhood reading. I'm looking forward to the film. If it bodes well I think that the entire series could potentially be among the most successful franchises in film history. I've seen the cheesy animated version and parts of the BBC production...C.S. Lewis' work deserves the grand treatment.

I really want to go see the Camille Claudel and Rodin: Fateful Encounter exhibit at the DIA. It's pretty darn cool that the DIA is the only U.S. venue...

Sorry. It's been a pretty boring post, but I've got a pretty boring life.


Friday, November 25, 2005

Wax off poetic...

Actor Pat Morita has died today at the age of 73. We'll miss you Arnold/Mr. Miyagi...

I hope that everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. Mine was alright, but people really don't know how to drive. My aunt and her husband cancelled as well as my grandmother, so it was just my parents and myself. It usually takes me about two and a half hours to get to my parents, but yesterday it took about three and half because of people who don't know how to drive in the snow...and not much of it. There was also a major accident near Almont that took about 20 minutes of my life. The drive back was pretty slow too. Lots of blowing snow up north and visibility was about 0%. It cleared up after Marlette, but then the traffic got to be pretty slow and frustrating.

I saw a Coke commercial the other day with penguins and polar bears sharing a cola and a good time. Penguins live in the southern hemisphere and polar bears live in the northern hemisphere. Check your facts folks...

The day before Thanksgiving at the store was pretty damn busy, but not as busy as in years past. Lets hope that Christmas picks up a bit. of our wholesale reps brought in some 2002 Zind-Humbecht Rotenberg Pinot Gris ($60.00 retail) and opened a bottle to sample. At the same time our office manager had brought in a Crave Case from Whitecastle for the staff. I figured "What the hell? I'm going to try this absolutely delicious Alsatian white from one of my favorite producers with a Whitecastle slider". While it wasn't the greatest match in the world, it wasn't the worst. The sweetness of the onions complimented the slight sweetness of the wine fairly well. My coworker laughed and commented that I'm probably the only person on the history of the planet to drink ZH Rotenberg Pinot Gris with a slider. It was kind of funny...but you kind of have to be a wine geek to appreciate it.


= Good times!


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Talkin' turkey...and that ain't no jive.

Work has been a little nuts. It's been very busy as we had a wine sale last week and this week is Thanksgiving. Tomorrow (Wednesday) will be one of our busiest days of the year, not the day after Thanksgiving. Tomorrow hundreds of people will ask me "What goes with Turkey?"

Well...lots of things. Many wines pair with turkey, depending on your mood or preparation of turkey. What are you stuffing your turkey with? Are you roasting it, frying it, or smoking it? Does it have a cajun injection? Do you have any preferences for a white, a rose, or a red?

The usual response is "I don't know. We're just having turkey."

I recommend dry to off-dry whites including sauvignon blanc (great with traditional sage stuffing and sides of asparagus), riesling (dry of off-dry, great with a spicier stuffing), pinot gris (From Oregon or Alsace. Italian pinot grigio is too light.), or gewurztraminer (Dry or off-dry. It's wildly aromatic. Almost perfumey with notes of rose petals on the noese with notes of lychee and clove on the palate.)

Dry roses are dandy. (I don't know how to put an accent mark over the "e"). Sue me.) French, American, Spanish, whatever...any dry rose will do.

Pinot noir is probably the most popular red pairing. It's elegant and lighter bodied and holds up nicely against a traditional turkey. Fairly complimentary to cranberry sauce as well. Red zinfandel pairs pretty well too. Nothing too big. Something a little lighter. They pair great with fried cajun turkey, turducken, or even smoked turkey. A fruitier Australian shiraz pairs well too.

For something completely different...try a sparkling shiraz. It's red, it's bubbly, it's weird. Some sparkling shiraz wines are not very good, but some are pretty darn nice. They're certainly interesting. Some that I would recommend would be The Black Chook Sparkling Shiraz, Vixen (blended with cab and cab franc), or Rumball. Australians traditionally drink a sparkling shiraz with their Christmas turkey. At least that's what I've been told.

For dessert...
With pumpkin pie I'd recommend and Australian sticky such as any Chambers, Campbells, Dutschke, or R.L. Buller and Sons Muscat or Tokay (Muscadelle). They're rich, sweet, and wildly complex with notes of toffee, caramel, marmalade, clove, coffee, tea, treacle, spiced fruit cake, and nuts. A tawny port would be another fine choice. Try a "20 Year" if you can afford it. Otherwise try an Aussie value like Hardy's Whiskers Blake Tawny (8 year average age). Great for the price!

This year I'm bringing the following wines to my parents for Thanksgiving...
1999 Pewsey Vale Eden Valley "Contours" Riesling from Australia
2003 Tir Na N'og McLaren Vale Old Vines Grenache from Australia
DeBortoli Black Noble from Australia (botrytis-affected semillon aged in barrel for a long time)
DeBortoli "The Old Boys" 21 Year Tawny (probably will not be opened, but will just give to my parents as they've discovered that they like tawny port)

There's literally hundreds of wines that will work with your meal. Let me know your budget and what your having and I'll make a recommendation if you like. But then again I'll be busy at work tomorrow and won't have much time to check the computer. I'll try. The best wine is the one that you like the most. It really doesn't matter. Hope there's some "fun" in your "disfunctional" family holiday! Enjoy your tryptophan-induced coma. Have an awesome Thanksgiving! Go Lions!

Scary story here about Bush's propaganda guy.

Roy Orbison's widow is trying to get the US Post Office to offer a stamp with the likeness of her late legendary husband on it. Sign the petition here. Lick a legend!

I've been thinking for years that I should volunteer for a shelter on Thanksgiving, but I've never gone through with it. Maybe next year. If anyone wants to get a group together let me know. We've got a year to think about it. It seems that I don't have the time for volunteer work like I used to. I've got a pretty busy life, but that's no excuse. I give money to various causes, but it's not enough. Volunteering is very fulfilling work, but it can be very challenging both mentally and physically. Everyone should consider devoting a little time to some of their favorite causes. Volunteering doesn't cost a thing and it makes you feel great. Think about it...


Sunday, November 20, 2005

Sports movies, the Man in Black, and Steve Guttenberg isn't dead...just his career.

I got my new Entertainment Weekly and they have their list of the "Top 30 Sports Movies on DVD". I thought that it was pretty interesting and I thought I'd share the list with you. You can get more detailed info about the list here.

1)Raging Bull
5)Bull Durham
6)Million Dollar Baby
7)Breaking Away
8)The Bad News Bears (1976)
9)Friday Night Lights
10)Slap Shot
11)The Pride of the Yankees
13)The Set-Up
14)North Dallas Forty
15)Eight Men Out
16)Brian's Song
17)Field of Dreams
18)White Men Can't Jump
19)Fat City
20)Heaven Can Wait
21)The Rookie
22)Cinderella Man
23)The Freshman
24)Rocky III
25)The Bingo Long All-Stars & Motor Kings
26)Love & Basketball
27)Better Off Dead
28)Tin Cup
29)The Longest Yard (1974)
30)Bend It Like Beckham

Looking at the list I'd say that it's pretty good. I absolutely love The Bad News Bears and Caddyshack. Breaking Away was a really great film that's been mostly forgotten by now. I wish that Major League , 61, and He Got Game made the list, but who am I to argue? You know what a sports nut I am. I'm just really glad that One on One starring Robbie Benson did not make the list. That movie is just about the biggest turd that's ever been laid. The list does not include documentaries or films that are not available on DVD. You may argue that Better Off Dead is not a sports movies, but click on the link for EW's argument. Do Kung Fu and Karate not count as sports? There would certainly be a few of those on the list had they been considered.

Speaking of movies...
Today I went to see Walk the Line and it was FANTASTIC!!! Joaquin Phoenix NAILED IT!!! Reese Witherspoon NAILED IT!!! Embarassingly, I still haven't seen Ray, but I'm sure that Joaquin's performance rivals that of Jamie Foxx. I'm also amazed by how much he looked like the Man in Black in the film. Great performances all around! It gets a little dark, but so did his life. Joaquin Phoenix better get some Oscar consideration or I'll be pissed. I hear that Phillip Seymour Hoffman and David Strathairn are getting a lot of Oscar buzz and I'm sure it's deserved. I just haven't seen those films yet. As long as Mr. Phoenix makes the list too I'll be happy. Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon (June Carter) both actually sang for the film and did and incredible job. Their duets were wonderful and I was somehow reminded of the duet magic that happens between John Doe and Exene Cervenka from X. Go see Walk the Line!!! I actually camped at Folsom lake once across from the prison. It gets damn hot there! And there's lots of rattlesnakes. It certainly would've been a great reprieve as a prisoner to get a free show from the Man in Black himself...

Speaking of movies again...
I was watching the Fox lineup tonight, but I started flipping channels when the new Michael Rapaport vehicle came on (great actor, HORRIBLE SHOW). There was a remake of the Poseidon adventure on...and it looked hideous. Imagine if you will Steve Guttenberg, Rutger Hauer, Peter Weller, C. Thomas Howell, and Bryan Brown. It was like watching a trainwreck, but with a big boat. Let's just say that it's a whale of a boatwreck. How could Peter Weller agree to this travesty? I haven't seen Guttenberg in anything since...the 80's. Where have you been and why do I care? Actually...I don't really care. It's not like there's been a void in my life for the past 15 years. Maybe he was in a cocoon...or filming Police Academy parts 12-38 in his basement???

In non-movie news...
I'm really looking forward to my trip to New York in'll be great to see some of my friends again.

A friend of mine is in some very serious trouble right now. I won't go into details here, but I think he's been railroaded. I hope and pray that the truth comes out and it is shown that his character is as good as I know it to be. I've been thinking about it all weekend and it just makes me sick. Detroit's local TV media sucks ass and jumps the gun. Don't label someone until the truth comes can ruin a person's life. The local media sickens me...

It's been almost two weeks...apparently Kwame Kilpatrick really was re-elected. It wasn't a bad dream after all.

I haven't really been keeping up on the Michael Cox/Jeffrey Feiger scandal, but I really hope that Feiger is made to look like a fool (which should be pretty easy). I had almost forgotten about the asshole when he had to reappear thanks to this story. Cox made a mistake and admits it, Feiger is just a tool. Clinton was impeached for infidelity, which is wrong, but it should have absolutely nothing to do with his ability to lead the country. He made a mistake, but not an impeachable one. Dubious Dubya is still in office after far greater (impeachable) crimes. WTF?!?!? Clinton was vilified for not inhaling marijuana, but Dubya was a drunk and a cokehead. What's wrong with this picture?

Also sickening was the attack on decorated veteran Rep. John Murtha last Friday. Read his speech here.
Read Jean Schmidt's response here. Her retort was more cowardly than he is. Tina Fey was hilarious on SNL last night when she said that she looked like a 70's gymnist. Read a smart post here about the issue from DD (a friend of mine).

This country is going to the shitter...hopefully Dubya gets the avian flu or a North Korean nuke shoved up his ass on his Asian trip.

It's going to be a shitty week at work...we're shorthanded and it's Thanksgiving. Yee f'in haw!

Pissed that I couln't see Bauhaus. Katm6 said it was a great show!

I'm finally starting to feel better. My muscles hurt a little less, but it still sucks when I cough. Hopefully I'll be able to completely shake this thing when the ribs heal up...

Life right now is like pumpkin pie without whipped cream...

Random Poll #1- What's your favorite sports movie?
Random Poll #2- What's your favorite Johnny Cash song?
Random Poll #3- or a painful obligation?
Random Poll #4- White meat, dark meat, or Tofurkey?


Cheap filler...

You Are Pecan Pie Soda

Sweet, but totally nuts

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.
People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

"What Kind of Pie Am I?" quiz

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional
Those who like you crave security

Friday, November 18, 2005

Eye Color Blog Quiz

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

Thursday, November 17, 2005

A great column on the Detroit election...

I've been rather depressed about the outcome of the Detroit mayoral election. The next four years look pretty bleak. Once again Jack Lessenberry's column in the Metro Times hits it right on the head.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Pop! There goes the other side...

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! My strained muscles on the right side of my chest are finally starting to feel better. Either the Motrin is actually kicking in after almost a week, or the muscles are actually on the mend. I drive home from work, open the car door, step out of the car and...POP! Now I pulled the muscles on the left side. Luckily I was already on Motrin when it happened, so the pain was not as excruciating as it was the first time. But it still hurts like hell!!! I was going to try to sleep on my side tonight (I'm a side/front sleeper). Now it looks I'm back to my back for another week of shitty sleep. I have a customer (a dentist) who had the same thing happen to him last week. He had to go to the ER because he thought he broke some ribs from coughing (just like me). And also just like me they were only strained muscles. He got Vicodin or some other nice painkiller prescribed...and they gave me, the poor schlep, Motrin 800. They probably thought I was there for the painkillers. Those would have been nice since Motrin may as well be Flintstones chewables. This shit hurts!!! The good news is that I'm not noticing the pain on the right side right now...

When I got in my car at work tonight I noticed a few random snowflakes on the windshield. Awesome!!! I'm so glad it isn't summer any more.



I was torn tonight. It was a really tough decision. Both the Country Music Awards and the Vibe Awards were on at the same time. What would you do in such a situation? I happily watched House and then Law and Order: SVU instead. If I really had to choose between the CMA's and the Vibe Awards I think I'd rather remove my own spleen with a dirty broken spork and a ball peen hammer for anesthesia.

It looks as though at least three of my Aussie co-travelers will be going to New York in January. Awesome!!!


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Paris...the new Detroit???

The riots continue in France. I don't mean to make light of the situation in Paris, Lyon, and elsewhere, but I feel that I've got to make some comparisons of Paris and Detroit seeing as I'm a proud Detroiter.

Paris- Home of race riots
Detroit- Home of race riots

Paris- Famous for a tall, skeletal architectural structure.
Detroit- Famous for abandoned skeletal buildings.

Paris- The "City of Light"
Detroit- The "City of Blight"

Paris- Known for its outdoor cafes.
Detroit- Known for outdoor urination.

Paris- The town of dog shit.
Detroit- The town of Kwame Kilpatrick.

Paris- Known for fine patisserie, charcuterie, fromage, and boulangerie.
Detroit- Known for Paczki, ribs, government cheese, and sliced white bread

Paris- Famous for its art galleries and museums.
Detroit- Famous for its art galleries and museums.

Paris- Home of the Louvre
Detroit- Home of the DIA

Paris- Home of Alain Ducasse (Plaza Athenee)
Detroit- Home of Miley and Miley Shrimp Shack

Paris- The city of romance.
Detroit- The city of stray dogs getting it on.

Paris- The city of bicycles and Renaults.
Detroit- The city of blinged-out SUVS and hoopties.

Paris- Honkeytown
Detroit- Hockeytown

Paris- Poulet Roti
Detroit- Popeye's Chicken

Paris- Gitanes and Galoise cigarettes
Detroit- Crack

Paris- Rude and smelly people
Detroit- Down to earth and not too smelly people

Paris- Champs-Elysées
Detroit- Cass Corridor biatch!!!

Paris- Fire and arson during riots
Detroit- Fire and arson every night

Paris- Watch out! You might get poked with a baguette.
Detroit- Watch out mf'er! You might get your ass shot!

Paris- Gay Paris
Detroit- Fashionable Ferndale

Paris- Once under control Napolean Bonaparte
Detroit- Once under police control of Benny Napolean

Paris- Burgundy, Bordeaux, Alsace, Champagne, and Loire wine
Detroit- Olde English, Colt 45, King Cobra, St. Ides, PBR, and Stroh

Paris- Once occupied by racist Adolf Hitler
Detroit- Once occupied by racist Coleman Young

Paris- Home of bad pop music
Detroit- Motown

Paris- Cool jazz clubs back in the day
Detroit- Cool jazz clubs back in the day

Paris- Mime on mime violence
Detroit- Gang violence

Paris at night- Beautiful!
Detroit at night- Don't run out of gas!

Hmmm...maybe we're not that different after all...not! Detroit has never been able to recover from the 1967 riots...let's hope that the situation in France improves.

In other news...
I'm still pretty damn sore. Motrin 800 doesn't work for shit!

I finally went to Glen's store tonight to pick up the new Kate Bush. I can't believe it's been out almost a week and I didn't have it yet. I also picked up the new Sigur Ros, the Monks "Black Monk Time" reissue, a Nick Cave/Warren Ellis soundtrack, a live Split Enz double-CD a Motorhead best of, an Einsturzende Neubauten DVD, and a couple of used CDs. I was just listening to the new Kate Bush for the first time. It's pretty good. It's definitely not as striking as Hounds of Love, Lionheart, The Kick Inside, or Wuthering Heights, but I'm sure it'll grow on me the more and more that I listen to it.

My hotel is booked for New York in January. Now I've just to get a plane ticket. I've already heard from one of my AusWAT compatriots and she said she'll be there. I can't wait to see her again. I wonder who else will show up...


Sunday, November 13, 2005

The movie of my life...

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times.
Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness!

Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Hooray for me! I remember stuff.

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Friday, November 11, 2005


After going to the doctor yesterday and starting my prescriptions things were going pretty well. I was already feeling better before going to the doctor. My biggest inconvenience was having sore ribs from lots of coughing. I went to bed feeling alright, but slightly sore. I couldn't fall asleep. I was lying there for about an hour and then I had a slight cough. I learned from prior experience this week that it would be best to sit up to help alleviate some of the strain. This time I figured I'd actually go the bathroom and cough up some phlegm (sorry for the visual). I soon as I stood up I felt a kind of "pop" and all of a sudden I was in excruciating pain. I thought that I had broken a rib or two. I was somehow able to lie down for an hour or two in a very odd position, but it didn't seem to hurt as much. Moving from this position was painful indeed. At about 6:00AM I figured that I would try my best to get up and go to the ER. It took some time and a lot of pain to get on my pants, socks, and shoes. I made it to the ER at about 6:30AM. They took me in almost immediately and I have to say that they were very attentive thorough. They gave me a breathing treatment and then a shot for the pain and then wheeled me into X-Ray. They wheeled me back to the room and I didn't have to wait too long for them to tell me that the X-Rays looked good. They figure that I just strained or pulled some muscles near the ribs and the coughing didn't help matters. I'm glad I don't have any broken ribs. They subscribed some 800mg Motrin (3 x day) and some sort of inhaler to help clear my breathing. This is in addition to the antibiotic and Nasonex that I got earlier. I called in sick today for the restaurant job for the first time in 6 years. I wasn't scheduled until 6:00PM so that gave them plenty of notice. The manager I spoke to was very understanding. It's not like I do it all the time. I'm going to try and get some sleep today and just take it easy. Hopefully I'll be feeling well enough with drugs to work at the store tomorrow. My viral thing seems to be on its last legs and overall I'm feeling pretty dang good, except for the new stupid pain in my side.

Anyway...I give today's experience at Oakwood ER a thumbs up! Thanks everybody! Lets not do it again. (It was the first time I was a patient at a hospital since I was born.)

Have a great weekend!


Oh! Look at the myriad of pretty colors...

A bunch of firetrucks just drove by the house with their lights flashing. I looked out the screen door and saw 3 firetrucks, 2 advanced life support trucks, a fire captain's SUV, and a police car in front of the apartment building down the street. It's really nothing out of the ordinary as the police or fire department are called there quite a bit. They were all gone within 5 minutes. Must have been a false alarm. At least I had a free lightshow for a while.

I actually went to see a doctor today. I had tried making an appointment this week, but they were all booked up, but then I got a call that there was an opening at 3:00 if I could make it. I left work and got there pretty quickly. It was my first time visiting this doctor. I had picked his name out of the insurance book, but actually because I knew the guy as an occasional wine customer. He's a really nice guy and pretty young. I explained my scenario and he gave me a quick check and agreed that I am indeed congested and got me out of there pretty quickly with some sample meds (freebies). He gave me some antibiotics and Nasonex for a sinus infection. He also recommended a good over the counter cough syrup and some Aleve Cold & Sinus. Hopefully I'll be able to shake this thing soon. I've been feeling a lot better the last few days, but now my ribs are sore from all of the coughing. We'll see what happens...

Speaking of cough syrup...
I had been using Robitussin before seeing the doctor and I realized that it still tastes as icky as it did when I was a kid. I still make a face with that stuff. So I went to CVS tonight to pick up some of the recommended 12 hour stuff. This stuff is supposed to be more potent and longer lasting...and it tastes great!!! The box said that it has a great orange flavor...and it does!!! So why do they still make cough syrup that tastes like transient taint?

Speaking of CVS...
I was looking for the Aleve Cold & Sinus and couldn't find it anywhere. I glanced over to a rack of cards with pictures of certain medications on them. Apparently you take the card to the pharmacist and they'll give you the over the counter drug. I thought that was sort of odd, but then I realized maybe it's because you can make crystal meth out of the stuff. Who knows? I don't cook my own meth...I buy it. I don't want my house to blow up. (For the record, I do NOT use crystal meth)

Speaking of crystal meth...
Not really, but kind of. It's kind of funny, we sell whipped cream chargers, but really haven't capitalized on the whippet market. Apparently some party stores in the area will sell them individually for $10 or $20 knowing what the kids will do with them. We sell boxes of chargers for $10.00. I don't think they've caught on yet that we sell them. The people that buy them from us actually use them for whipping cream...or so I've been led to believe. Maybe that 70 year old woman is addicted to the nitrous...

Another dumb ass quote from Pat Robertson here. Dover, Pennsylvania rejected the teaching of "Intelligent Design" and Pat Robertson and God are apparently going to send a shitstorm their way. Sounds like he's follower of "Ignorant Design". Hey! Pat Robertson! God hates you!!! I really hope that he doesn't run for President again, because he may actually have a chance the way the society is today.

Praying, constipated, or trying to kill kittens with his mind?

Here is another link to the fabulously clever and hilarious Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Duh! A new poll says that Americans think that Dubya isn't honest. Link to the story here.

The world is really sucking right now. Maybe George Carlin should run for President...


"It's not easy being green...hearted"

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.
When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life.

Your flirting style: Laid back

Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking

Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm

What you bring to relationships: Balance

Mostly average me...

You Are 70% "Average American"

You are average because you don't make New Year's resolutions.

You are not average since you don't think affirmative action is necessary.

For the record, I don't support affirmative action as I actually have hope for a Utopian society where we're all colorblind. I know that there are still several pressing issues today, but I'm an idealist.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Crap! There goes the neighborhood...again

Crap! Crap! Crap crap crap! Crappity crap crap crappity! Crap!!!
Detroit is screwed, kids. Screwed...
I went to bed last night not knowing who the winner of the Detroit Mayoral election was as it was not official yet. It was up and down, but I was hopeful that Mr. Freman Hendrix would win. I got up this morning and went online immediately only to discover that one of my worst nightmares had come true. The voters of Detroit have decided to re-elect Kwame Kilpatrick. We're screwed. I don't live in the city of Detroit, but I do care about it. Detroit is Michigan's heart and right now it needs a defibrillator and a transplant. Kwame is just going to keep driving it further and further into the ground. At least we'll have more scandals to keep us entertained. I fear that Detroit has found its new Coleman Young.

The last time I went to bed without knowing the election results was the Presidental election of 2000. I waited up until about 6:00AM or so and then gave up. We all know how that turned out...

I was hoping that the FBI investigation into the absentee ballots would have turned up something more damaging.

Another damn fine column from Jack Lessenberry in the new Metro Times regarding the state of Detroit (written before the known outcome of the election).

Dearborn election results weren't much better. "Phuqhedd" made it back on to the City Council. Things are going to get ugly...

In other Dearborn news...
The restaurant next door to my job is being investigated by Fox 2 Problem Solvers . The place closed a couple of weeks ago or so without any warning. There was a handwritten sign saying that there was a family emergency and that they would reopen shortly. The sign was then replaced with another handwritten sign saying that they would re-open soon under new management. Now there's a big "For Lease" sign sitting inside the glass doors. Someone apparently called Fox 2 News saying that they had a Wedding Shower booked for this weekend with a deposit paid. It's rumored that the owner fled with all of the money. The Fox 2 SUV was still in the parking lot when I left work tonight. I'm surprised they lasted as long as they did...I thought the food sucked!

I was watching TV on Saturday night and settled on It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World on PBS. The movie is a classic. One of the funniest ever made with an allstar ensemble comedy dream team that could never be rivalled. I was talking about it with my coworker yesterday when a younger (23) coworker asked what we were talking about. She had never heard of it. We explained the premise to her and rattled off a few of the names. She looked like a deer in headlights. She had no idea what we were talking about. I figured that she at least knew who Jonathan Winters and Buddy Hackett were. Nope...not a clue. How can anyone not know who Jonathan Winters and Buddy Hackett are? Two of the funniest people to ever walk the planet. Even as a kid I would laugh myself into tears watching either of them as guests on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. A golden era is gone and none of the kids today even have a clue that it existed. It's really sad. I remember seeing Buddy Hackett once on Carson. He was hilarious, as always, but when they came back from commercial break Johnny had his head on his desk, laughing hysterically. His face was as red as a beet. The camera did a rare pan on the audience and they were in tears they were laughing so hard. I only found out recently what caused this...Buddy Hackett told the "Aristocrats" joke on the commercial break. I really wish I had been in that audience. It's amazing what people who are only 10 years younger than me don't know. It really boggles my mind sometimes.

Speaking of comedians...
Sarah Silverman, who I am in lust with, is finally releasing her film, Jesus is Magic. I really hope that it comes to Detroit. Actually, I just checked and it's coming to the Main in Royal Oak on November 25. Sweet! I can't wait to see it. I'll have to draft a few friends to join me. It'll be dirty...

I didn't watch the very special nutso epidsode of Wife Swap tonight, as I watched Lost instead, but damn I'm sorry I missed it. You can link to a video segment of the freak-out here.

Random poll- Can Detroit be saved?


Monday, November 07, 2005

A year later...

I've been posting for just over a year now. I just checked Sitemeter and I've had over 4000 hits (most of which have come from people googling "Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice" or "Freakie Freezies"). So thanks a lot to the SNL pervs and the VH-1 crowd! I first started posting because of the 2004 Presidential Election. If you haven't figured it out I'm NOT happy with the result.

I'd like to apologize for the scatological title of my earlier post...NOT!!!

Thanks for checking in!


Poo flingin' (again) and exorcising your local dingleberries...

Hey kids! Sorry I haven't been posting much, but I've just been too dang tired. I'm still trying to get rid of whatever I have.

In the news...
The French riots are finally starting to slow down. Maybe they're running out of dog poo to fling.

I was watching a bit of BBC News tonight and there was a survey saying that the US is not the best place to live if you want to be financially successful. Immigrants are far more likely to fare better in almost any European country or Canada than in the US. It is now easier to live the "American Dream" in Denmark (for example). It is reported that most Americans living in poverty are likely to remain in poverty if they don't fall even deeper. Sad, but true.

This Tuesday, November 8, is an important election day. This of course varies from district to district, but there's a lot of stuff going on this area. The biggest election in this area is of course the Detroit Mayoral election between candidates Kwame Kilpatrick (incumbent) and Freman Hendrix. Detroit is in really bad shape right now and a very large part of the blame belongs to incumbent thug...uh...I mean incumbent Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. His regime has been an absolute embarrassment. Maybe you heard about him in the tabloids. Mr. Freman Hendrix seems to be the best person for the job. Lets hope and pray that fine people of Detroit feel the same way. Kwame certainly has the young vote, but historically the voting turnout of Detroit's eligible 18-40 year olds has been abysmal. Let's hope that this holds true. (I would normally love to see the young voters of Detroit show up in en masse, but not this time). Good luck Mr. Hendrix!

Tomorrow's local Dearborn election will be a doozy. Bunch of nutjobs running for city council, charter commissions, etc. I'm making a point to NOT VOTE for one particular idiot tomorrow. He's been hanging on to the Dearborn policital scene like a dingleberry on the ass of life for quite some time now. It's time for him to be wiped away. I cannot stand the guy. For the sake of this post I'll call him Doug "Phuqhedd" Thomas. I'm voting for his biggest opponent and I'm not a big fan of hers (on a personal level). She's far better for the post than he is. A monkey could do a better and more honest job than this guy. Although they'd be about even in the poo flingin' category. Dearborn politics are absolutely vicious right now and there are a lot of complicated issues that our elected will have to face. I wish all of my candidates luck.

I'd also like to wish good luck to "Candidate" tomorrow in his city council re-election campaign. "Candidate" is a college friend of mine. I'll protect his identity here, but he's a really good guy...and he's a Republican! Good luck!

Please don't forget to exercise your civic duty tomorrow and by exorcising those who are harmful to your community. Do the right thing.

Vote early, vote often! Vote Chicago-style!


Friday, November 04, 2005

"Who were you in high school?" Blog Quiz

Brainy Kid

In high school, you were acing AP classes or hanging out in the computer lab.

You may have been a bit of a geek back then, but now you're a total success!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Dubya's flu plan and "Ladybugs shit too!"

As I'm hacking away (coughing) I'm thinking it's great timing for Dubya to scare America once again with the release of his flu plan. It is of course entirely possible for a flu pandemic to happen. One expert said that American flu pandemics run sort of cyclically (about every 30 years or so) and that we're about due. He did mention that it would be very UNLIKELY for the Asian bird flu to affect the US on any major level. While this time there is at least a little potential truth to Dubya's plan, the timing couln't be more suspicious. Just another SCARE TACTIC to distract America from "Scooter", Rove, Delay, Iraq, and the whole "New Watergate" thing. It's absolutely deplorable that anyone, let alone an American President, could scare an already terrified nation even further simply to distract them from the truth. Darth Dubya is an evil, evil man. Emperor Cheney has a lot of faith in Darth Dubya's grasp and acceptance of the dark side of the force, but he's fearful that this is stupidest apprentice ever.

Here's another great Jack Lessenberry column from this week's Metro Times about "Bush's Watergate". It's a good read and actually simplifies some of the details of the whole ordeal. Good stuff!

How the F' can Ashlee Simpson's new album be #1 on the Billboard Charts?!?!? Seriously?!? WTF?!? Well...I guess it's the same people that voted for Dubya again. But then again, 6 year-olds can't vote. Did they allow 6 year-olds to vote in the last national election? Just like Dubya, Ashlee f's up but then distracts the nation and they love her again. It only took a new hair color for her fans to forget how much she sucks. Next time someone gets indicted Dubya's going to go blonde. That should put the dogs off of his smell for a couple of weeks or so...

Can't wait for the new Kate Bush album...

I'm thinking of going Trick-or-Treating next year. We barely had anyone stop by (maybe 5 or 6 groups), and our house was extremely decorated. That means that there's a lot of available candy out there. All of our Trick-or Treaters were driven from house to house. The only walking they did was from the curb or driveway to the door. It's sad that kids don't Trick-or-Treat anymore. They go to safe and boring school parties. That's no fun! Halloween is all about walking around in the dark in ridiculous costumes and risking the occasional razor blade and candy mugging. Has Halloween gone the way of the dodo and Glass Tiger? The good old days are gone...

I really want to see Capote.

The Australian issue of the Wine Advocate came today. I'll be reading it very thoroughly. It's kind of like Christmas when it comes...

I'm VERY happy that This American Life with Ira Glass is coming back to WDET (Fridays from 3:00PM-4:00PM and Sundays Noon-1:00PM)!!! I can't wait to hear the fascinating essays brought to us by the likes of Mr. Glass, Sarah Vowell, and David Sedaris again. Very, very excited! IT'S THE BEST SHOW ON RADIO!!!

Speaking of Ira Glass...he's coming to the Michigan Theater in Ann Arbor on Saturday, December 10th.

This is the time of year where homes in southeastern Michigan are invaded by multitudes of Asian beetles. They are considered pests and they certainly are very annoying. We also get a bunch of another type of beetle this time of year, but I don't know what it's called. Anyway...these Asian beetles very closely resemble the common American ladybug. I think that I can tell the difference, but I tend to leave them alone just in case I'm wrong. And this is what puzzles me. For some reason Americans are trained to like leave them alone. I'm one of them. They're very helpful in the garden and are a boon to the organic farming industry. The're kind of cute. People let ladybugs land on them and treat them gingerly. But why have ladybugs been singled out? Americans don't generally like any sort of bug. I'm not a big fan, because we were trained that all bugs are icky except for ladybugs. We are taught to revere the ladybug. I'm not saying that it's wrong, but why the ladybug and not someother bug? If another bug were to land on our body we'd flick it off and maybe even kill it, but we let the ladybugs crawl all over. I once heard that ladybugs are the most voracious predator on earth (ounce for ounce). But they're damn cute!

So what makes this vile?

And this cute?

I'll continue to be a ladybug lover and let them land on me, but I really don't know why. It must have been imprinting when I was a kid. I'll continue to dislike Asian beetles because that's what I'm supposed to do. But just remember...ladybugs are like any other beetle, but have colorful marking. Ladybugs shit too!

I hope that a ladybug shits in Ashlee Simpson's mouth and Dubya screws a Vietnamese chicken...

Random poll- What are your favorite and least favorite Thanksgiving side dishes?

Random poll #2- Are you voting next Tuesday?

Random poll #3- If you could do an episode of VH-1's Bands Reunited, which band would you most like to reunite?